Today I feel fine. Just extremely tired from the no sleep. Been eating good full meals. I only get the sweats at night but during the day I’m fine. Just trying to rest so I can get back on track and start getting s*** together. It’s my dad’s birthday this Wednesday and I haven’t made or bought him a single thing due to my current relapse. Definitely have some anxiety there. I love seeing my dad but he always makes me feel so horrible inside. He doesn’t mean to he’s just very old school and thinks lecturing non stop is how you talk to someone. I’m stressed on what to get him or how to behave when I see him. He has always been a huge trigger for me. I love him very much we just aren’t close. He knows I’ve always struggled with alcohol so that just makes things more tense when I see him. Didn’t even realized I needed to vent about my daddy issues until just now 
wow ok. The struggle is real but writing these posts helps.
Express yourself!
Sounds so tough. Best of luck. Do you have someone you can call if it starts to get to hard? Try your best to protect yourself. I have had to excuse myself from some family things, when they start to get hard. Family is always a trigger for me.
You can't control what other people do, you can only control how you react. Your dad probably has unresolved issues himself, so keep that in the back of your mind, to yourself Don't trip, it'll be okay.
Gotta do what is best for you 
My father is a narcissist and I quit talking to him. Not recommending that. Just less time with people who bring you down the better. I got nothing out of relating to him. He’s so self centered.
You may have hit the nail on the head when you said he does not mean to make you feel horrible by lecturing you. He may just be worried and cares about you but does not know any other way to express it. Still, that being said, there is nothing wrong with gently setting a boundary, and telling him that you know he is worried, and you are as well, but you need support to stay sober. A place to go when struggling, some words of encouragement..
People do not instinctively know how to treat us. We teach them through the boundaries we set and enforce.
Easier said than done with a parent, but it is possible.
Crazy to say but I had the same exact problem my father is my biggest trigger he doesn’t mean to be but he is he to a very old school not only do I have to get lectures from the past and all the damage I’ve done I have to get lectures about the fact that I’m gay and married to a woman And when you’re from his age time frame that doesn’t fly real good today him and I are very close we always have been even when I’m wrong he’ll ride with me to the end he’s been my enabler but yet my biggest supporter if that makes sense yet when he goes to fussing at me and bringing up all the damage alcohol is in the past it triggers something inside of me because it brings back a lot of pain and a lot of memories You’ll always be your daddy’s little girl and he’ll always be your father no matter how bad it may get you may not realize but he’s probably your biggest supporter as well continue to do good you’ll see the difference
Wow. This is so crazy. You genuinely get my situation. Like even though he is always nagging me I know he just wants what is good for me. He just doesn’t understand that’s not the way he should go about it. He is very set in his ways though so I know just to bite my tongue. He called me today to make sure I was gonna see him for his birthday tomorrow. He genuinely sounded so excited to see me. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him 
I feel so much guilt already. Since I can’t afford to buy him anything other than a birthday card I chose to stay sober today so tomorrow I won’t show up hungover and miserable. I think he will appreciate a lot more than any material gift. He is always so upset with me when I show up sick and I don’t blame him.
No we can’t blame our family because they do get sick of seeing us like that! It was really bad with my wife but she was the only person I knew I wouldn’t shoot up around. I was around her like that so many times with a pocket full of money but I knew her presence alone would motivate me to get off the needle. I relapsed 100 times but I never gave up trying. Now I’ve been clean off the needle for over a year. I’m very proud of that
You’re they definitely don’t deserve seeing us like that. Wow and that’s bada**! I’m so proud of you as well! Kicking any addiction is so hard and the farthest I’ve ever made it was 30 days. So for you to have over a year is amazing. I hope to be in your shoes one day! I’m trying my best.
You will baby it took me years to get there I’ve been trying to get off opiates for 3 years now. Just because I’m not shouting up doesn’t make me any better. I’ve been slipping on Roxy’s and Tabs this past year. I even went impatient to get off them. Never been anywhere but jail to get off of heroin. It’s a process. Now I’m in the sublicade shot once a month. So slowly but surely I’m getting there!! It’s not easy but once I allowed God into my life things started to change. I spent 20 years being angry with God and here I am today going to church 3 times a week! Learn to one forgive yourself and second love yourself. The rest will fall into place
It’s so inspiring hearing what a big turn around you did. I’m gonna say it again…I’m proud of you girly!! Choosing the sober path is probably the hardest from being easy but the fact that we are trying our hardest everyday shows we aren’t hopeless or lost. We got this and honestly I’ve already noticed small little perks of being sober and I’m only 4 days in so I wanna continue down this road and see where it takes me. 
Good luck with that and if you need someone to talk to hit me up on here