Hey Loosid fam.. embarrassed to say but I have fallen off the wagon.. I guess it was a matter of time because I was playing with fire. However, apparently I needed to do it 
. I would like to be clear about my drinking before diving into the rest of thisā¦ I did not drink for five days and then I was having some drinks here and thereā¦ I had one night of heavy drinking and none of that was a problem. Last night when I drank though, it was a problem..(to be expected when you play with fire). More importantly to me though is the fact that I had a couple weeks of great energy and positivity and than I crashedā¦ I was exhausted this last week. Iām not even exaggerating- I think I slept 90% of the week away. No drinking, no hangoverā¦ Just utterly exhausted and feeling āin a cloud.ā I have had this happen before regardless of drinking.. There have been times where I felt this way and when I started getting energy I would tell my friends āI hope I stay this way..ā This last time I found myself saying the same thing but I thought it was going to be different :/. Apparently it is notā¦ This self reflection and being RAW leads me to think I may have a bigger problem to battle than just alcoholism, depression, and anxiety. To be completely honest, there is a strong line of bipolarism on my dads side of the family. I really donāt think I have it but maybe there could be levels? I have discussed this with my family and friends and touched on it when I did counseling but I never had a psychiatrist for a period of time where this could have been explored.. I am 34 so I think it would have been picked up by now but I do not think the way I feel on and off regardless of the time in between is ānormal.ā For this reason and because I fell off the wagon so hardā¦ I committed to going inpatient on 4/6. Iām so scared but very ready and very deserving. Thank you guys for listening to me once again 
Iām glad that you are able to recognize that you need help and that you are reaching out for it.
Thank you! Iām not 
Thank you so much! Your positivity inspires me Iām similar when Iām feeling good but when Iām not, Iām either sleeping or self sabotaging 
For some reason I live life in kind of black and whiteā¦ All or nothingā¦ Itās a blessing and a curse but itās time for me too live the life I deserve once and for all!
You've got this! Don't beat yourself up and thanks for being honest! That's the only way this works. You knew you were playing with it. Sometimes a relapse brings about a more rigorous application of the program. I'll be praying for you! And BTW you are going in on my birthday!
Thank you so much! Honestly it feels embarrassing but itās my truth. I did not come on this app to pussyfoot around lol. I might be a little much for people but I voice my thoughtsā¦ working on voicing the opinions 
That makes me feel really good thatās your birthday! 
Get help!
You are so much stronger than you think. Kudos to you for taking the steps to get the help you feel you need. You owe this to yourself. You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you. Prayers for you as you forge ahead on your journey of self discovery and sobriety.
I agree with Kathy, you are stronger then you think. Embrace treatment, go to every meeting that is available to you. Even if itās something thatās doesnāt apply to you go to it.