Oh my. It is true what they say, while you’re sober, your addiction is just doing push ups and getting stronger than ever. I was sober for over a year which is very long for me. I was getting the shot though for some of it. For the past six months I’ve been doing it without the shot because I felt like some of the long term affects were scaring me and I also felt like I’ve gone so long that I reprogrammed my brain (plus I went through a traumatic hospital stay). So like 6 days ago it literally all fell apart. No reason. My doctor increased my Prozac. My anxiety went sky high, but I know better so I can’t blame it all on that. Now I’m stuck in the hangziety and also I need to drink a little to not feel bad about all of this cycle. Remind me how to get the f out of here.
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In my circle, we call that the criminal addict. Just sitting in the backseat waiting for you to let your foot of the proverbial gas and pull over.
As hard as it sounds, find your gratitude, it never has to be something grand, plant your feet and remain mindful.
Everything is manageable, until we pick up and use.
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Distractions, anything calming? Treat yourself to a new sweater or plant, Starbucks order? Soothing bath or give yourself a couch day? Believe in you to make it through this.
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