So my wife and oldest daughter are at each other… I every day. Both are disrespectful to each other, both scream and yell, disrupting the entire house. Then they turn their anger at me because “you don’t step in and take a side” I don’t step in because it isn’t my fight. I don’t want to take a side because both are in the wrong, and when I have pointed that out I was made out to be the bad guy. Am I wrong for not getting in the middle of it? Has anyone had to deal with similar? My daughter is 15… so I know teenage drama and all, but it is really starting to get old having constant tension in the house. Just looking for ideas.
That's a tough situation. Have you tried a family discussion when things are calm? Teenagers are difficult sometimes maybe try time outs for both of them when they are getting heated. I agree with you that getting in the middle isn't the answer. Their issues seem to be with each other. And I'm sure they both want your support and reassurance.
1 Like
Not a parent but I have heard parents say y’all rock together in front of that child, and if you disagree, you talk about it in private and y’all can fix that later 
but i dont know like I said not a parent don’t know what they’re arguing about.. if all else fails… build a man cave somewhere in the house and hide! 
2 Likes
I have 2 teenage daughters & a preteen daughter.. you’re right for not getting in the middle of it.. I was ALWAYS arguing with them.. things started getting better when I took the time to listen to them without judgement or trying to force them to do what I wanted.. I believe the hardest part of raising a teenage girl is letting them make their own mistakes & letting go of complete control over them.. the more you with them, the more they reveal.. I make it a point to give them advice & hope they take it. The less I try to control them, the better our relationship gets. It’s hard to let go, but they will never become their own person without a little freedom to discover themselves.
1 Like
I did have a man cave… the three girls took that over and now it is a giant closet
1 Like
Thanks Jessica. I also have two teen daughters and a pre teen daughter. I am the one giving them the space to make their own decisions.. it’s my wife that doesn’t want to let go. She is also a HS teacher so I always thought she would be good at dealing with the kids cr@p, but it always turns to a screaming match and tantrums. Just trying to keep my side of the street clean.
I deal with this exact same issue. Both yelling at me for not choosing their side. Here’s how I handle it: I’m strict with the teen, and tell them I don’t care if they disagree with their mother, they will respect their mother and a story. They wouldn’t even be here without their mother, so show respect, it’s actually one of the 10 Commandments, though I’m not really religious.
Then, privately with my wife, I nailed her about acting like a fool. Someone Hass to be the adult in the relationship, and it’s not her, she’s acting like a child, I expect more out of her, there is no reason to throw personal insults and disgusting comments towards a child. There’s no such thing as a bad child. Set strict standards, adhere to them, but there is honestly no reason to freak out and yell like a fool.
When each of them ask, who I like best, I tell them every time. I like the dog the best.
3 Likes
…oh man 
welp.. desperate times call for desperate measures.. so… put a knob with a lock on that closet door and you pray. You pray for mercy in these trying times
3 Likes
I like the time out for both of them.. and I will definitely try to have a family meeting when we are all calm. Thanks!
1 Like
Hi Tim! I’ve got some (too much) experience with all of this. I failed miserably at finding a solution. I chose “the east way out”. Rather than step up and be supportive to both my wife and children, I ran from the conflict and found comfort in my addictions. Today I choose to love and support them all. I talk to all of them and try and come from a place of love and tolerance. I try and keep their focus on the big picture, and not let them tear each other apart. My wife and I have always played the roles of good cop/ bad cop. I’m still the good cop, but I’ve had to step in and call out improper behavior and attitude. I just try and not make it personal and nasty. I call it out when either gets that way. It’s not easy. We still have plenty of conflict, but my wife does supported and heard, as do our kids…kind of lol. It’s never going to be easy. I’m not going to solve the conflict regardless of what I do, but I can make things a little better. These little things start adding up. Hang in there my friend. Things often get better as they go off to college and beyond
1 Like
Thanks man! I try to be supportive to everyone, that was a big part of my addiction… I was running from it and hiding. It seems the last year has just gotten unbearable at times. Maybe this is just a pity party I need to get out of. But GD it is exhausting sometimes.
Completely get you. You can vent to me anytime brother. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Sometimes just getting all that 
out of your head is the difference between being 100% frustrated and maybe 75% frustrated lol. Doesn’t seem like a lot, but that could be the difference in being able to stand in there and face life vs running to our addictions. Als ways here to chat. Feel free to private message me when needed.
2 Likes
Great advice from John. My daughter is now in college but those teen years were epic to say the least. When I tried to referee the arguments between my wife and daughter I always became the new focus, of their anger, instead of what they were fighting about in the first place? Try talking to them separately outside of the house, so no one will start yelling or act like a fool? If you let any kid cross a boundary or be disrespectful, without consequence, they will do it again. Parents have to stick 
together but respect for everyone is the only way to resolve your differences. Hope my mistakes help you?
1 Like
I don’t engage my children like that. I’m referred to as a ‘Disneyland Dad’ by their mother… That’s fine by me. I wasn’t raised in a house of yellers and screamers to get a point across. I discipline by embarrassing the shi* outta them in front of their friends. It’s pretty effective. 
My wife and daughter yell at each other too. My daughter is 17 she has an excuse My wife should change her approach but I don't tell her that. I try to mediate when I can and talk them down. It's important to disengage in that bc the mind and body are so interrelated that mental stress manifestation occurs via physical ailments either now or later in life. Meditation, yoga, exercise of any kind is key.
1 Like
I’m not sure what they’re arguing about, but it wasn’t that long ago that I was a teenager and I know that I would sometimes argue for attention—specifically about an issue that I didn’t know how to talk about or didn’t feel my parents cared about. Might be a good time to sit them both down and see what’s hurting everyone the most. See if anything is mentioned over and over again or when you wife or teenager stop talking or avoid a topic. Might be an awkward convo but could go a long way and show that you are in fact on both sides and not against both sides.
1 Like
I agree with Jessica. 15 is a rough age. It’s so hard to let go and let them make their own mistakes, but necessary. Wishing you patience and peace in your home.
1 Like
I have 2 children 21 and 23 (the oldest is 5 years sober). There was some difficult years. As the adult, it was and is my job to deescalate the situation- I'm the parent. If I don't fight, it stops. Just an idea for one or both parents
2 Likes
Ugh I have 4 kids, 15, 8, 4, 2. So I totally get this 100% lol, I tell my kids who’s in the wrong by who I see who’s in the wrong, or I say u kno what ur both wrong so stop let it go, sometimes I guess u do have to be the bad guy. We have family meetings at our house, more like get ur together kinda thing lol
1 Like