Okay guys let's talk recovery you know we do this maybe three four times a week but I'm glad that you are here so I can vent every day of recovery is not a good day they don't tell us that our life automatically gets better just because we got clean and sober it means that we have learned to live with life on life terms so we learn to deal with the chaos the drama the bull cr!! the naysayers the people who claim we're not going to make it or change people who don't believe in us and then we deal with spiritual sides of things and all of that I mean everything we deal with family we deal with Outsiders every little bit of life that goes on with your life his life on life terms but they don't understand how you manage to change and be so different because we've seen h$$$ we know what h$$% looks like and therefore we're not trying to go back through that see the h$$l for me was going to bed 4 days later five days later six days later the h$$$ for me was high and not eating no appetite at all and you could be at the greatest family function in the world h$$$ for me was listening to people tell lies about you the Betrayal the backstabbers h$$$ for me was not having anywhere to stay only on brief moments that people's houses and then their attitude changes once the dope Runs Out h$$$ for me was letting my children watch me every single day not be a permanent stature in their lives h$$$ for me was losing my two babies to DHS and not fighting the right fight to get them back h$$$ for me was letting my mother cry her eyes out because her child was not at home and she didn't know if she was safe had Od or whatever the streets had told her about me h$$$ for me was sitting up in rehabs getting the information that I needed but never applying it to my life only to come out of rehab and relapse h$$$ for me was going back home after rehab and trying to live a sober life around a bunch of drunkards and drug addicts h$$$ for me was telling my family that I'm a different person and trying to introduce this woman too the world as being a upstanding citizen in society now h$$$ for me was going to jail spending three $400 days locked up behind bars only to go to prison to get out of prison and relapse again or to go back into the dope life again because there was nothing else that made sense to me at that time except for Fast Money hail from me was going to my parole officer peeing in a cup and telling her I ain't going to pass no way that was h$$%for me and waiting on her to respond if I was going to go back to jail or if she was going to let me walk with a freebie h$$$ for me was putting on an act running around town trying to hit licks on people or trying to drop packages off here there wherever I had to be h$$$ for me was going up in Walmart and in Lowe's and and hot and other stores to steal just to support my habit but I never laid on my back for it these are things that I did throughout my recovery or throughout my life in addiction just to get to where I am today let's introduce this woman my name is Alice I'm 50 years old my clean date is 4:11/2022 since that day I International Nashville Tennessee I went to the next door which was a 28-day program I completed that program and as a result of me completing that program I now have four and a half years because I finally listened and got out of my own way I went in with a plan to become a certain type of woman because the woman I was was not succeeding at anything so I said to myself when I go in this time I'm going to go in and I'm going to do everything I can to not get on a substitute drug to mask my feelings to deal with my drugs anything I said to myself if I'm going to do this I'm going to do it my way and I'm going to succeed because I'm tired my coach asked me how tired was I and when she asked me that I didn't know what to say so the following week came around tears in my eyes and I told her I was tired of everything and she asked me the name song so I started firing off I lost my children I lost my home I lost my husband I lost my friends I lost Associates I lost jobs I lost some money I lost time I lost my mom and she said are you ready to heal my healing process begin I asked her how do I pray to a god that I feel abandoned me and took my mom away from me she said your mom suffered and God got tired said didn't you get tired I said yes she said your mom's not gone she's your guardian angel the next week I broke down in class I said my family doesn't love me they hate me she said family only understands what they stand up under so if your family and drug addicts they're never going to understand you your family ain't poor fighting a battle then they're never going to understand you if your family has never lost their children then they're not going to understand you if your family haven't lost their mom then they're never going to understand you family only understand what they stand up under so believe me when I tell you right to this day I'm still fighting family but not because of my addiction because of the woman that my addiction made me become that woman my family don't like I've always been an outspoken person my family has a problem with that because they're still searching for that little girl they're not looking at a 50-year-old woman a strong woman that has to endure everything that life threw at her and still has to heal on her own so that woman they don't know her but every day they're looking at her they're trying to figure out should we give her a chance or do we give up on her they walked away a long time ago now here's my thing to you out of all the pain that they have put me through I still have to be the bigger person because of my recovery but I do not have to allow someone to cross my boundaries and accept chaos betrayal hatred Envy jealousy or any of that today I fight for my life in ways they have no understanding of they look at me different because they don't understand why things are not breaking me they don't understand the meditations they don't understand the addiction they don't understand the recovery they don't understand the boundaries they don't understand the 12 steps they don't understand the 12 traditions they don't understand just for today I make a decision and a choice that I am going to rise above anything that comes my way and allow myself to heal in order to prosper in this lifetime not the next so family I'm telling you my Village my recovery Village just because you get off drugs does not mean that you will not face trials and tribulations they are going to come and be a part of your life every some days are going to be good some days are going to be bad but we have to remember in recovery with a 12 steps and a 12 traditions that life is just for today you make that decision you make that choice for the next 24 hours I will not allow anything to make me pick up if you need me inbox me send me a friend request I'm always on my pages download the Lucid app on there download the next door I'm there my group is Allie's Recovery Road my podcast it's Allie's Recovery Road you can leave messages me on any of these apps and I promise you I got you I'm going to be there to listen and I'm going to be there to talk to you if you need someone to talk to but never will my door close on the next recovering at it because in I-12 steps it says that we only keep what we have by giving it away so if I'm not there to help you I can't heal thanks guys
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