I had to hit two meetings today because the exhaustion of life, a recent relapse and the anxiety around my Dad’s death just did me in. I barely worked today. I was a wreck all day (ironically, one of my worst days in a while on World Mental Health Day). I started to head towards the bar, and just immersed myself in meetings instead. Hey - progress. Nice. One of the things that’s resonating as I lay in bed is this concept of God and our incessant need to nail down our full understanding of what that even is. One person quoted someone who said, “if it were small enough to be understood, it wouldn’t be big enough to achieve what we need it to achieve.” I love that, because I struggle with all things G-related, and understanding the vastness and fleeting nature of how it might work gives space for it to exist more in my life.
Someone was also talking about this idea that you can work a program just enough to stay sober, or work one so fully that you become sober and happy, and it reminded me of all the dry drunks I know—people who count the days but never really do any of the work required to get to the root of where all this BS started, so dangerous and destructive behaviors just change form.
A powerful day indeed. Hope you’re all doing as well as you can do today.