On this journey I’ve been on, working the Steps again, I allowed myself to get stuck because I didn’t want to look at myself. I was afraid of facing the fear, guilt, and shame that I’ve carried for so long. I didn’t want to beat myself up all over again, even though the truth is, I was already doing that to myself.
Somewhere along the way, I started isolating myself from my fellows because I convinced myself that they didn’t care about me. And in doing that, I slowly started isolating myself from my family and friends too. I shut myself off emotionally and mentally, stopped communicating like I should, and buried myself in work instead of dealing with what was going on inside of me.
But now that I’m getting back to doing the work, I’m starting to see myself in a different light again. I’m learning that looking at myself doesn’t have to mean beating myself up. It means being honest with myself, accepting where I’ve fallen short, and giving myself the same grace and understanding that I try to give others.
Recovery isn’t just about staying clean and sober. It’s about learning how to live, how to love, how to let people in, and how to stop letting our own thoughts convince us that we’re alone when we’re not.
I’m still a work in progress, and I know I have things I need to work on. But today, I’m willing to do that work. With the help of my Higher Power, my fellows, and the people who love me, I’m learning that I don’t have to keep living in the guilt and shame of my past. I can face it, learn from it, and let God help me heal from it.
Sometimes we have to be willing to look within before we can see the good that’s still in us. And today, I’m finally starting to see that again.
Good morning with love
Christopher (Woody)Woodell
