Today, I know that one drink literally could lead me to another, but more worrisome for me...to the dealer down the street and or much worse. It's just too risky for me at this point and most likely ever, for me to pick up anything in order to cope with my feelings and emotions. Because I know exactly where that leads me to, that I will eventually not be able to stop, and will eventually be homeless again, dead, or in prison for hurting someone else or being caught with heavy drugs. So, for me, thankfully...I know this as I sit here right now, and I am unwilling to take that risk. It's just not worth it to me any longer. Do I have thoughts that down the road maybe I could smoke a little of this on. Fri or shoot a little of this to celebrate....yes, I'd be lying if I said otherwise. But for today, that is a very bad idea and so I am going to stay sober. Who knows what the future will bring, I could die of a heart attack after I write this, so there's no need to worry about that Friday down the line or that celebration....I may or may not have....when I may or may not be able to handle it. Not right now. For today, I make the choice not to. Tomorrow is tomorrow.
