A year ago today, I had my last drink. As happy as I might have looked, I was in so much pain. For years alcohol was my medication to help alleviate that pain. From the age of seventeen and on, it became my intimate partner. It followed me wherever I went. From Thursday through Saturday with friends. On a Sunday afternoon, get together with family. On a lonely night when I had nothing else to do-I drank. I drank in the good times, but especially during the bad times. I drank until I became numb. I put myself in an environment that enabled my behavior. After all, I didn’t want the party to stop.
As my tolerance for alcohol increased, so did my consumption. It transformed me every single time, like Dr. Jekyll into Mr. Hyde. My morals and self-respect all went by the waist side. I lost so many relationships with people I truly cared for and loved because of my behavior while I was intoxicated. I would wake up each morning after a night of hard drinking with anxiety and stress about what I had done the night before. This was immediately followed by self-reassurance that I had everything under control. That the mistakes I made the night before would be forgiven and forgotten. This was a never-ending cycle. For years, I kept denying that I had a problem. Then I suffered a series of losses, my parents, in the span of three years, making my addiction worse. The morning after I took that picture, I remember lying in bed feeling hopeless. I remember feeling like the worst human being in the world. It was Mother’s Day, and all I could think of was how disappointed my mother would be if she saw what I would do when I was drunk. I knew then that I didn’t want to live this way anymore. I knew I needed help.
So today, I wake up a free man. Free from that anvil called alcohol. Free from its power and its hold on my life. Sobriety hasn’t always been easy this past year. But it’s the greatest gift I have ever given myself. Thank you to my sisters, Esmeralda, and Giovanna, for supporting me on this challenging journey from day one. Thank you to my therapist at Tree of Life for putting me on the right path and getting me into a program. Thank you to my counselors over at Psyclarity for helping me become sober. Helping me become a new person and possibly saving my life. Without all of you, none of this would have been possible. There is no cure for alcoholism. I will have to manage it daily for the rest of my life. But the idea of doing so no longer seems daunting, thanks to my family and those I’ve remained close to. This has been the greatest year of my life. I am forever grateful. -Fabian A #oneyearsober #sober
