Hi 
It’s me. Devin aka Happy☺️
Scott S gave me the nickname and I like to identify as happy as a reminder.
I’ve thought about this a lot.
Now to preface this, I want to say that I’ve gotten really good at not future tripping. It used to be one of the my go-to mental states. That and dwelling on the past. But now I’ve gotten way better at not worrying about the future and instead I concentrate on what’s happening now. But I’m human and I think every now and then about what is ahead. So the thought of actually staying clean and sober for a year has popped in my head many times. I think about it, acknowledge it, usually pray about it, maybe a quick meditation and let it go. I think the main thought that would make me think about my future sobriety is the thought “am I actually done?” The idea of me never drinking again got SO into my head. Then, I was taught the idea and concept of “you don’t have to never drink again. Just don’t drink today. Don’t drink for the next hour. Don’t drink for the next 10 minutes”
That floored me.
13 months ago, I was drinking every 10 minutes. 13 months ago, I wasn’t happy. 13 months ago, I couldn’t look at anyone in the eye. I couldn’t make eye contact with anyone because of the amount of shame and guilt I had built up inside of me. 13 months ago I was so lost. I had lost not only people I loved, but I had lost myself. The Devin that my family knew was trapped and hidden under mask after mask after mask.
13 months ago, I didn’t know I couldn’t drink like other people. 13 months ago I didn’t know I had a body that, when I put one in, there is no telling how much I will drink and that no matter how bad I want to stop, I can’t. 13 months ago, I didn’t know that I had a mental obsession about getting to the next one, a mind that tells me that I can drink like normal people. 13 months ago I didn’t know that I was more than broken physically and mentally, but that I was broken spiritually.
Today, by the Grace of a Higher Power and His will, not mine; By the power of the 12 steps; By the love and support of family, friends and the fellowship; By the guidance of a sponsor and spiritual advisors; I write this with here with One Year of sobriety.
Today I am happy. Today I have tools that help me understand situations that used to baffle me. Today I have straighted out spiritually, mentally and physically. Today I care about myself. Today I care about you. Today I love myself, I believe in my self and I’m proud of who I am. I am so grateful. So beyond grateful 
Thank God.
Thank everything and everyone that has been a part of this journey. Thank you to the people with time that have paved the way and shared their experience, strength and hope so that we can learn, understand and not feel alone. Thank you to the newcomers that show us courage, willingness and that addiction is still out there, alive and well. They’re like field agents and they come to us saying “Yup! Still not safe out there for us guys!”
Thank you to the fellowship.
So if you’re in your first year. If you’re in your last year. Or if you don’t even know what year it is…
I encourage you. Reach out to someone. Talk to someone. Communicate. There is someone who is willing to help. There are ways to get help. There are answers to the questions you have. There is a solution.
We will be waiting, we will be waiting with open arms.
Take care. Be safe. Be healthy.
I love you
My name is Devin. Today I have a 369 days sober. One year and four days clean. But, it’s always just for today, one day at a time.
