Online dating sober

Recovery
#21

Personally I don't think anybody pulls anybody down with them. I don't feel that that is taking accountability for our actions . I don't feel that this is an effective mindset to achieve and maintain sobriety.

I think that we are each individually accountable to and for ourselves. If we choose to take accountability for those around us that's fine however blaming someone else for our choices/situations is a cop out. This is my opinion I'm not stating that it's a popular one. That's the one that works for me. It's the one that keeps me sober. It also keeps me quite alone and if that's what it takes for me to be sober then so be it. I guess my point t is this, the blame game leads nowhere good, and quite often, to relapse, so I urge EVERYONE to be accountable for themselves their situation, actions etc.

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#22

Nothing awkward about it. Thank you for the input I think it is very helpful and great advise. As a single man I find it hard dating sober, so unless I meet a girl at church or at the grocery store, I will just learn to be happy alone.

Personally I am grateful for the disease, as I see people interact who are inebriated it makes me wonder how I ever enjoyed this. Same with drugs. I crave drugs to be free of my pain and for this I offer no apology however I do apologize for being weak enough to give in to that urge, as plenty of people live in chronic and severe pain every day and don't revert to needles and street drugs as I eventually chose to do. I see your point however, in saying ef this disease. (Paraphrased).

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#23

I just say I don’t drink. If they ask why I’m honest but don’t turn it into 5th step. It should not be an issue with people who are right for you.

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#24

I just let it come up when it comes up. What’s it to them I don’t want to drink?

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#25

Girl I’m 35. I hear you.

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#26

I outed myself.

#27

Put it out there. If your date likes an occasional drink, but doesn’t have an addiction, this will 1) not concern them and 2) they won’t mind not drinking with you.

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#28

This is a new arena for me. Also just being able to be social and have friends in sobriety is terrifying right meow.

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#29

I usually mention it upfront, but I’ve been sober nearly 14 years, so being around someone drinking doesn’t bother me the way it once did.

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#30

I haven't read any of the other replies but I was sober, just got out of prison and on felony probation with a curfew and trying to be as "Christian" as possible...so I couldn't "go out" to meet people back in 2012-2013. I made a dating profile on plenty of fish and stated my faith, my sobriety and not looking for hook ups at all. I met some crazies that still just wanted to hook up but once I realized I cut it off. I was looking for a serious companion. I was tired of running around and feeling empty. Well I finally met my, now, wife. We just celebrated 9 years of marriage. She supports me through and through. Her dad is even a Sargent of a police force in Miami and loves me to death :heart:. Just be honest and you will find the right one eventually.

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#31

ThTs great! I’m happy for you and that you found joy and happiness.

I however am looking for casual things. No relationship at this time.

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#32

Ok, just be careful with that. Through my learned experience, if the casual includes casual s3x, when two lie down, one already gets up with feelings. I was 3 years sober before I really started looking. That's not for everyone, I get that. But I really had a lot of work to do on myself before I could start thinking about someone else. Just my experience and wish you the best :blush:❤‍🩹

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#33

I usually tell them I’m sober, honesty is key. Helps to sort out the herd of what you are looking for in a potential partner.

#34

Has anyone had any luck on this app regarding dating? Sober community here so I figured there would be more opportunities to find someone that can relate and have something in common.

#35

Honestly it's terrible makes me want to drink people constantly say men with men women with women. Feels like I will never meet someone

#36

Yep done it both ways and get ghosted! :rofl::rofl::rofl: sh!t I’m being honest and it throws red flags. Oh well it is what it is. I’m happy that’s all that matters.

#37

I haven’t tried it, but the regular app is shoddy already; it’s so hard to follow comment threads - I don’t have high hopes for the dating part of it

#38

Gotcha thank you. I figured since the other apps are awful and had hopes this would be better

#39

I’m early on in my sobriety(62days) and coming home and asking that question is it even possible because I eventually want to date and don’t know too many people in a sobriety circle… it’s like dating for the first time all over because… “hey let’s get a drink” doesn’t work! Not many people on the app where I am either so… what other ways to find… who knows it is one of those things I worry about in the long run but just put it out of mind nowadays.

#40

Me neither ive got 8 years. I think it bothers them more the fact im not drinking. But i make no excuses. I just say no im good for now i think ill have a coke or something else .
After a while when they get to know me ill fess up and tell them i just dont drink.

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