Here’s my weird thought for the morning. Whose idea was it that after every time I do something good or something I’m supposed to do, I should go celebrate? Here’s another question. Why do I think that every time life hurts, I should be awarded some form of emotional medicine?
The Marines had/have a motto: “Embrace the suck”.
The Seal teams have one too: “Adjust for the tension and recomit.”
I like the second one a little better. It seems like there might be a plan. I Bring these guys out because they’re kind of known for doing whatever it takes to be victorious. And we’re battling an invisible enemy that’s got us completely surrounded 24/7 365. Sometimes it’s good to bring in some reinforcement.
4 Likes
Experiences are rough! Life is worth celebrating!
I've been a single mom/widow for 2 years now. My daughter is 2. I never planned to be a single mom. That's the life I've been dealt. I'm the sole provider, cleaner, cook, errand runner, etc. On average, my day starts at 5AM and ends at 9PM without breaks. I'm constantly doing something. I break my back trying to ensure my daughter has a great life. I didn't have the chance to grieve because my daughter was 9 months when she lost her dad. So, I had to remain strong. So, yes, I reward myself weekly for doing what I am supposed to do. It's self-care.
1 Like
Amanda, I totally support what you’re saying. I’m just looking at the part of me that thought that I was supposed to celebrate normal life with substances. I should have been more clear there I think what you do is great. I’m so sorry for that loss. You’re a real hero.
1 Like
I get what you're saying. It's really odd. I remember on a team I worked on years ago had a Happy Hour. Our leaders paid for appetizers and alcohol, but wouldn't buy a soda for me. Many of my coworkers laugh.
I have no idea why the drinking culture is so normal. Especially in this age where we have access to much information and realize that alcohol has more negative effects than anything.
I also appreciate your condolences and compliment, Justus.
That’s such a raw and true reflection. Sometimes we celebrate because we made it through, but the pull back can hit hard. How do you bring yourself back to center?
Yeah, I don’t know yet. I haven’t thought about it. I don’t know if there is a center. That’s probably pretty scary to think about outside of one day at a time. Pushups? Small victories? Puppies? Gardening? That seems to be the short list of self care. Ok is all I’m really going for… Ok and self managed… Ok, how do I do that? How am I doing that? Am I even? Good question!
I’m definitely still steering this little meat spaceship of a body I have through space and time. I’m still self prescribing and I’m still self-medicating. I’m just not self abusing. OK so how am I doing that? What am I doing? I play music, I do tangible artwork that requires the use of my hands and tools that I like. I journal and whiteboard. I cook my own food specific to my own dietary interests, and in that way, I make it my food. Not just an empty food experience. I manage the uncomfortable details. When I’m sad I allow myself to grieve. But only in the shower. I know that the joy and creativity will follow the grieving.
This is all a pattern that must have been there. How did this life happen?
It started with surrender. To myself. That’s it. That’s what gets me back to the center. Active surrender. To who I really am. What I really want or like. Really getting honest with myself. But that’s just the road.
Still not the center. What am I surrendering to?
Another super important ingredient. My hook, my Achilles heel is believing that I am unloveable. That’s my real drug of choice. That is the source of my grieving. And my self abuse.
When I grieve, there’s a false statement. Whatever that statement is, it’s sole purpose is to isolate and weaken me. Who knows where those come from. Bad parenting? The devil? An internal sabotage mechanism we all somehow just have? Lots of books written on that answer…
But the important thing for me is that grief kills the lie. Actually weeping the poison out. That gets me back to creativity, joy and problem solving. And I’m getting results I find lovable.
So I’m surrendering to love. I’m letting go of being unloveable. By grieving the poisonous lie. That takes a little time some days, but gives me back the rest. And I actually get to enjoy it. I guess that’s the center. I don’t know if that answers your question.