The overwhelming guilt & shame i have & i feel, consumes me most days. Even after the time of sobriety i have, these emotions stay.
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I am right there with you! Trying to forgive myself for the things I’ve done in the past is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Everyday I think about it over and over. But since I’ve started speaking about the things I’m ashamed of it does bring some relief.
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I've been there also... I don't know anyone in Recovery that hasn't been there. Here's some stuff that helped me get "through it" until I got "past" it:
-Youre not the same person you were at the time
-You did the best you could (back then) with what you had to work with and you didn't have much to work with.
- Put down the bat you're beating yourself with and pick up a feather, give yourself some grace.
-If you have a higher power or God that loves you and forgives you, then who are you to think that you know better and don't deserve to let it go and move on.
My disease wants me to indulge in guilt and shame so I relapse and add to the list of things that I feel guilt and shame about.
Be gentle with yourself it takes time to get to places we've never been before.
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Forgiveness for yourself - first and foremost - addiction is not your fault but you are responsible for your recovery - make yourself proud!
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What I did to get over all the yucky stuff was I put myself in the shoes of my inner child and looked at my mistakes from a parents point of view. Ok son you made a mistake now are you going to do it again the same way and feel this way again or are you going to do it differently? No matter what I’m gonna love you the same way. A parent is always gonna love there children past a ten but there privilege reflects there behavior. My higher power posses way past a level ten love for every single human bieng. And remind yourself that you are a human bieng. Drugs and alcohol affect us all in ways that make us do bad things but we aren’t our mistakes we are humans and we all make really bad choices in our disease. Tell me one person that’s sick off the stuff that hasn’t made big mistakes.
The steps helped me tremendously through these feelings. Unpacking some of the wreckage of my past has helped me be free from those chains.
Knowing the difference helps between gilt and shame helped me. Because, let me say this they were both a huge battle for me too. With guilt, you can make amends, learn, grow. Guilt is productive. Shame, on the other hand, wants you to hide. It whispers that you’re unworthy or broken. To deal with guilt, you own the action and choose differently next time. Forgive yourself.
To deal with shame, you challenge the story. You remind yourself: I’m not what I did. I’m who I’m becoming. Recovery is learning to forgive yourself while still being accountable. You can carry lessons without carrying the weight. That’s healing. When I learned the difference it made more sense. Instead of always the shame and guilt , shame and guilt. There was never one without the other. Now, the shame is gone because overtime I learned to forgive myself. It took patience and practice. Guilt, I try not to do anything against my moral code. I’m here, anytime you want to talk.