Please Advise

Struggling Help
#1

I feel I have always lived a double life. I have mentioned in previous posts that I look like I have my life together even though I feel like I'm falling apart or am dealing with heavy emotional and physical trauma/loss.

Well I'm not looking like I'm holding my life together anymore. I was recently physically/sexually assaulted by another friend. As much as I have been trying to be sober, I have coped negatively and slipped every other week or so. I'm nervous I'm not going to pass a drug test for an internship for school. If I don't, I know it is my own fault and there is no one else to blame.

I guess the advice I'm looking for is about wanting to talk to the people closest to me about how awful I feel and how I'm coping so negatively; my mom and dad. I know they will be disappointed more than anything as I struggled when I was a teenager. They think I'm clean and it's been sixteen years.

What do I say? Do I approach the one whose more understanding? Both of them at the same time? I hate myself for being this dishonest with them and myself for so long and I'm just crying here, realizing I actually need help.

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#2

When my life was falling apart after getting a DUI, I felt a ton of guilt for not telling my parents. I happened to be in therapy (by chance, as it’s never been a regular thing even though it should be) at the time and she reminded me that I should only tell them if it would really help and that I didn’t “owe” them the information for any reason.

Your recent trauma is affecting your everything. It’s present in every decision and it’s natural to look to coping mechanisms that have “worked” before and that will numb the pain.

If there’s anyone else you can talk to — a friend, group member, etc etc whose status in your life isn’t so heavy, I suggest that. Maybe reach out to someone at a sexual violence support center. Opening up about the trauma is probably a necessary first step to continue healing.

#3

Also: Keeping a secret from your folks isn’t dishonesty, it’s privacy. But if they can truly help and be supportive and non-judgmental, they may be best to open up to.

#4

I am so sorry that you had to go through that I myself have to go through with going to court against the person that attacked me when I was using and he even took it a step further and told me that it was my fault and I asked for it