PLEASE help with thoughts/advice! I live ina sober womens house with

Recovery
#1

PLEASE help with thoughts/advice!

I live ina sober womens house with 18 women. The owner is constantly threatening to kick me out for mistakes I make. I am doing the best I can with following the rules, volunteering, doing everything she tells me to and requires of me. It is always negative comments to me and never positive. I am seriously triggered today because she threatened to move me to a different house or DISCHARGE me if I don’t get along with my new roommate (she says i’ve had issues with my past roommates but who else hasn’t?)
What would you do if you were constantly threatened to be kicked out?? I pay rent on time- early even- every week. Today was the fourth time she’s threatened to have me “find somewhere else to live”. I can’t…. :cry: HELP! :pray:
thank you!

#2

I never did sober living, so I can’t really speak to that.. but it sounds pretty toxic from what you described. But, you did say there is more to the story… so are you using the criticism as an excuse? Does the owner treat everyone the same? Do other women feel the same as you?
In any case, you need to look after your own sobriety and do what is best for you. I wish you luck.

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#3

That’s the gyst of the story. Yes other people complain but it’s the way she is so i know i can’t change her but accept her. I pray for her, sometimes more than once for her health, recovery, happiness, prosperity, and say “God save me from being angry”.

#4

I too am in sober living. I see people do wrong everyday. The director threatens to kick people out all the time. Most people do not get kicked out. Maybe she is just pushing you to do better because she sees potential in you. Anyway just a thought and maybe that is not the case. At least you have a job. You could maybe find someplace else. Another sober living place. Anyway hope that helps.

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#5

YES! :clap:t2: thank you!!
You said it! She did say she sees potential in me and I thought the same thing she’s trying to push me to do better.
thank you! :pray::hugs:
Do you struggle at all with living in sober house?

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#6

I did 4 months last year in sober living. In my house, the end game was to get you out of there quickly so they can take in new people. They don’t want people staying long because they didn’t want you to be comfortable living in a sober house. They want you to stand on your own two feet. After all, that’s life. That’s the message I received from them and I did exactly that.

#7

Perhaps it would be better to move to a different house where you’re not triggered?

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#8

I thought about that and the owner said she would either move me to a different
house or “discharge” me. But I’ve already been “kicked out” of this house by her and she after a month of struggling she said I could come back. I just need to practice Acceptance :+1:t3:

#9

Sometimes the best lessons are the hardest. I’m working on patience and gratitude now :grimacing:

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#10

Also my ego :unamused:

#11

I agree,
keep up the good work :hugs:

#12

God save me from being angry is great. Part of the big book.

Did you try thanking god for all the great things in your life? I find gratitude for what I have is my biggest key.

I’m grateful for the roof over my head, the pillow I sleep on, the patience and love that I show other humans. To me keeping it positive and in gratitude bring me MORE of that.

I don’t know about you, but I like more. Especially of the good stuff. :upside_down_face:

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#13

It does sound like she’s the problem, not you. I think you have two options, both challenging: find a different sober house where you feel more wanted, or practice acceptance and stay put.

If you do stay put, you can make small steps towards improving your surroundings. Honesty is an essential aspect of recovery—maybe you can sit down with her and have a civil conversation where you’re transparent and 1) say how the current environment triggers you and 2) politely reminding her that this is a house of recovery, you’re all in it together, and her hostile behavior sometimes is detrimental to your recovery. You never know—maybe leveling with her you’ll get some clarity about her actions and help her see how her actions are anathema when it comes to your maintaining clean time.

Either way hang in there—recovery comes first!

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#14

Hi thank you
Yes, I go for walks and pray, that’s my time with God and I pray, saying what i’m grateful for and then pray for the ones I am hurt by, I pray that they have everything good that I would like to have. The Bible says to pray for our enemies so I’m praying for them in hopes that I will no longer have any :pray:.
I’m also working my 4th Step so I put down on paper the ones I’m resentful at and why.

#15

Yes, I just try to do what they want and keep on moving. It is hard with so many different people and personalities in on house. I treat everyone with respect even if they disrespect me but I let them know I am not going to take stuff from them though. Anyway yes it is very hard sometimes.

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#16

We all have enemies hun. Even your friend Jesus did.

All I can do is stand in MY truth, and those that don’t like me I have learned are entitled to their opinion.. I just stopped caring about making everyone else happy.

I’m grateful that one of the first things I learned was that ’your opinion of me is none of my business.’

It was a hard thing to practice at first. But once I repeated it enough, I started learning that I only need to please my innermost self and the god of MY understanding.

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