I’m grateful for two weeks of sobriety. I’m also grateful to be alive after several close scares due to heavy substance abuse. I’m happy that I can still be here to support my children and be a part of their lives. My career takes up most of my weekdays with frequent long and unpredictable hours. Then I have custody of my children every Friday night to Sunday night. Since sobering up for good this last time, I have been experiencing extreme mood swings and an almost crippling depression, as well as deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. Plus a great deal of self-hatred because of all the ways I’ve destroyed my once really good life. I feel a tremendous amount of anger and guilt over hurting all of the people who once loved me the most with a long list of bad decisions that I can’t take back or fix. I keep telling myself to do the next right thing and I’ll feel better over time. Today, I developed a physical illness with severeral harsh symptoms. I feel very unwell mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and now physically. I constantly tell myself that this too shall pass. I am in a very dark place and I am battling seriously tormenting thoughts. I refuse to go back to using, I’ve already lost far too much time and blessings to my disease. Right now it’s just hard to face life and navigate through my current situation. It is not easy for me to put myself out here like this, sharing such embarrassing personal and painful information about myself. The reason I am sharing is that I really need someone to please pray for my physical healing and spiritual deliverance. Thank you so much. Dear God, please bless and protect everyone in this community who is trying to move forward and change their lives while supporting others. Set them all free and give them true peace and joy, and their families as well. Amen
Hey Shawn! thank you for being brave enough to post this. 2 weeks is huge! You’ve got a lot hitting you all at once: grief, shame, depression, exhaustion, sounds like it’s still withdrawal. The brain and body learning how to regulate. Bringing Beginning to recover.
Just keep showing up for your kids and choosing sobriety. If all you did today was not use, be proud of yourself you’ve come a long way already.
Praying strength over you tonight.
Thank you for sharing your personal private issues. I understand not feeling comfortable doing so very often, I too hold things in a lot of the time. Substance Abuse and Mental health go hand in hand. Whether you suffer from more severe mental health struggles such as schizophrenia, or some depression and anxiety...which could be the case here, and it truly does sound as though you may be feeling some depression. Heavy drug use can cause some chemical imbalances that we may not have had problems with in the past, prior to using. They change our brain chemistry and our neuro- pathways and these changes can cause issues with mood regulation, depression, anxieties, and more. Ultimately, we have no control over these side effects no matter how much we try to hold it together just to make it through the days. Although fake it til you make it can be a very effective strategy, it's also unnecessary struggling and may not be enough for you to make it through without the real dangers of relapse. Many people benefit greatly from medications to help regulate your moods and lift symptoms of depression and anxiety etc., and are not always meant to be long term, especially in cases of substance abuse history. Once your brain is back to functioning as it should be, with the help from a Dr., you can oftentimes eventually discontinue the medications. It's just to get you back on track. In addition to therapy or counseling, which combined is proven to be very beneficial. This is why most rehabilitation facilities or programs have their clients see a psychiatrist or a medical Dr. through the detox and inpatient rehab processes. As well as a therapist and case manager etc. To help people get back on the right track again as a whole. I would highly recommend speaking to your primary Dr., and or seeking additional resources such as a therapist and a Psychiatrist for medication management. Best of luck to you, I hope this helps. Nobody wants to be sober and miserable..... Not to mention for us addicts, misery is a very dangerous state of mind to be in, oftentimes leading to relapse.
2 weeks is an AMAZING accomplishment!when I was at 2 weeks, I started beating myself up about it. Telling myself cr*p like " 2 weeks in nothing, lots of people do it". Well, 2 WEEKS SOBER IS AMAZING!!
You can be PROUD. You did it! And it was HARD.
Let's do 2 more
Together
Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. You are doing good and it is a rough road back. You are on it and that is the important part. Always here if you need an ear.