I’m grateful for two weeks of sobriety. I’m also grateful to be alive after several close scares due to heavy substance abuse. I’m happy that I can still be here to support my children and be a part of their lives. My career takes up most of my weekdays with frequent long and unpredictable hours. Then I have custody of my children every Friday night to Sunday night. Since sobering up for good this last time, I have been experiencing extreme mood swings and an almost crippling depression, as well as deep feelings of loneliness and isolation. Plus a great deal of self-hatred because of all the ways I’ve destroyed my once really good life. I feel a tremendous amount of anger and guilt over hurting all of the people who once loved me the most with a long list of bad decisions that I can’t take back or fix. I keep telling myself to do the next right thing and I’ll feel better over time. Today, I developed a physical illness with severeral harsh symptoms. I feel very unwell mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and now physically. I constantly tell myself that this too shall pass. I am in a very dark place and I am battling seriously tormenting thoughts. I refuse to go back to using, I’ve already lost far too much time and blessings to my disease. Right now it’s just hard to face life and navigate through my current situation. It is not easy for me to put myself out here like this, sharing such embarrassing personal and painful information about myself. The reason I am sharing is that I really need someone to please pray for my physical healing and spiritual deliverance. Thank you so much. Dear God, please bless and protect everyone in this community who is trying to move forward and change their lives while supporting others. Set them all free and give them true peace and joy, and their families as well. Amen
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Hey Shawn! thank you for being brave enough to post this. 2 weeks is huge! You’ve got a lot hitting you all at once: grief, shame, depression, exhaustion, sounds like it’s still withdrawal. The brain and body learning how to regulate. Bringing Beginning to recover.
Just keep showing up for your kids and choosing sobriety. If all you did today was not use, be proud of yourself you’ve come a long way already.
Praying strength over you tonight.