Why when I know what I know do I do what I do? I was just shy of 16 months clean. I planned this all out so I wouldn't get a dirty ua ECT. Well I planned to use a little that night only well I think I did around 3 grams in a few days...I've been super sick I just kept doing hit after hit even when I had tremors so bad I had to hold my head still...anyway I thought if I started here with owning my shit I could get the courage to be transparent with others in my life
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There is no "using a little" for someone like me. All that's left to do now is learn from what got you here and don't let it happen again. Relapse isn't a failure if you make it back and grow from it.
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Thank you Eric with time this will pass
I understand my powerlessness and unmanagability on a whole new level.
You are a most beautiful person. Tomorrow is a new day!!!!!!!
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You did it because you believed the lie your addiction was feeding you. "Tnis time things will be ok."
They're not ok are they?
We have to learn to play the scene forward. We drink/get high, we pass out, we wake up and nothing has changed. Except now we have more guilt and shame to carry.
This is why we need to get active. Take the 12 steps and hang out with the kind of people like we want to become.
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Itās okay, to admit we donāt know. You had a reservation, and been my experience that with one itās only a matter of time before you will use. NA states we must rid ourselves of ALL reservations. Iām not saying I know how to do this. Iām not saying your bad for claiming to know. Iām saying again that it is okay to not know, but after we admit that we donāt know we have to seek someone or something that does. I hope that you can see this message is as much for me as it is for you. I pray will for us both.
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Thank you!