Not having or being in control used to be really difficult for me before I got into recovery. As we all know -as our using increased, the ability to manage our lifes decreased. When it was very obvious that I became very powerless over my addiction, I would try to find control anywhere I could in an attempt to calm the chaos. I would obsessively rearrange my house over and over and I also started to obsessively pick, both in an attempt to control how things appeared. If my house looked like this than there's no way I would be falling apart. And as for the face picking- I was trying to make myself as ugly on the outside as I felt on the inside. Doing those things made me feel in control Or at least I had the illusion of control because in reality I couldn't stop doing those things after I started. So I kept myself in this vicious never ending cycle of trying to feel human but it only disconnecting me more and more from feeling like a person until I accepted my defeat. In my empty despair I thought that I had the power to unsubscribe from life, but learned how powerless I was over that as well. And for that I will never be more grateful, because that was the last step I took to get to the first step of a better life.
Now I try hard to remember that as long as I don't use, even once, I have the power to stay sober. And sober me knows that the only control Is how I react to everything I can't control.
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Amen 
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Wow! So inspirational… thank you for sharing 
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Admitting powerlessness is so crucial bc if we have a shred of belief that there are parts we can control then we couldn't give all of ourselves to our HP. Ty for sharing.
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Wow, Powerful read. I have struggled as well with focusing too closely on things outside of my “jurisdiction” So it’s great to hear from someone who found an avenue to reclaim this power. Another great post Kristin, thanks 
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