Putting it out there. I was a closet alcoholic for 30 years. Drank alone at home. Really bad alcoholic. Functional during the day most days. Bad marriage. Abused. Yep. 30 years. Sick attracts sick. Left him. finally. I am having terrible issues with honesty. I truly don’t know how to be honest. The steps after step one are for lack of a better word easy for me. I have just lied my whole life. I tell people what they want to hear. Never what I am really feeling. People pleaser. Anyone have any advice on overcoming this? Guess what. Master’s degree in clinical psychology. Yes. Helped others. Not myself. I cannot feel anything. Sober or drunk. I just don’t feel. Thank you all for listening. Grateful for any feedback.
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For me working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me see just how dishonest I was. It’s also showing me just how much I do people please. It’s just in my nature to make sure others are happy. But the reality is I can’t make anyone happy. If I do then I become unhappy. Most of my misery came from the resentments, fear and anger I had towards others. I expect others to act a certain way. Taking inventory of myself, looking at my morals, has shown me where my part is in every resentment, fear, and sexual conduct. I have been on this journey for 2-1/2 years and it does get better not easier. Some days and weeks are tough.
I’m glad you’re here. Keep asking questions. Talk about your experience. We are only as sick as our secrets.
Yes. Really sick with my secrets. I cannot continue on this path. Isolation is really bad for me. I just don’t know how to break free. Trying. So hard. Thank you for your response. Ego and pride. Two worst sins ever. Boy do they have me. Very much appreciated.
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The step work and meetings for ACA (adult children of alcoholics or dysfunctional families) really helped me. I have lied most of my life. I am 150% a people pleaser. My addiction to codependency is a much bigger struggle than my addiction to substance. ACA doesn’t “blame” your parents or family. It basically goes through how/why the behavior started as a child and what we brought into adulthood with us. What coping mechanisms we learned at a young age and how they effect us now. It truly helped me learn how I got to be this way, what addictive behaviors that I have to work on the most, and how what I went through as a child contributed to my adulthood. Even the ACA “big book” is an amazing read.
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Codependency no more is a favorite book of mine. Getting back into step work. Thank you for the feedback. Retraining my brain to be honest. A work in progress!
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Progress not perfection 
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Try to stop looking at things as "sins" (which is really intangible) and look at those things as straight up, unhealthy, poisonous, because that's what they are, and that puts it .ore in perspective that we can understand, we can touch it and the stakes feel higher.