Quote of the Week
"If I’m invested in the outcome, I’ve kept God out of it."
I was a big ball of self-will before I entered recovery. In most things, it was my way or the highway. If I couldn’t get my way, I’d change jobs or relationships, or I’d move. When I planned something, I’d start with the outcome I wanted, and then invest my time and effort making sure I got it. The trouble was, I often did get what I wanted, but it turned out that it was either never enough or the wrong kind, or ultimately it wasn’t what I wanted after all.
When I entered the program, I learned an entirely new way of living. The biggest change was to put my will aside and instead ask what God’s will was for me, and then try to follow that. This was as hard as it sounds, because all I knew was dependence on self. But by praying, meditating, and running things by others, I could often distinguish my selfish will versus what God would have me do.
One of the surest ways I have of testing how much I have truly surrendered to God’s will today is to ask myself how invested I am in the outcome. If I have planned everything out to the last detail, then I can be pretty sure I’m into self-will. But if I instead take the necessary actions, and then suit up and show up to be of service, then I remain open to God’s will. And ultimately, if I’m truly willing to be open, I find that what God has in store for me is always better than what I could have wanted for myself.
