I am struggling with anxious and being
stressed especially when I wake up in the
morning. I was
diagnosed with Anxiety disorder back in
2018. Haven't really struggled with it since
Oct. Its showed its ugly head when
deciding to take this new job and move.
I have moved five times in the last two
years.
I am starting a vlog to help me focus and
have something to do in my spare time for
after work and weekends.
My oldest son is coming in today the one
who doesn't want to talk to me. I am
nervous about it. When he is upset he
makes everyone know it. My parents are
just old and don't need drama. I just pray
that he is on his best behavior and doesn't
want to try to tackle me and him issues
during our Christmas get together tonight
with rest of my kids and folks. This is where I
would be typically say well I'll have a drink
to numb me up. But not doing that.
On a Daily finding my emotions dealing with
loss still and hard pain. My mom brought
up to me your just not happy. I told her all
my coping things I use to do a I am use to are gone.
So I'm creating new ones like the vlog to
keep me busy I know long term it's a band
aid and going deeper with my therapist.
I am sad and angry it goes up and down
dealing with regret. Then the Anxiety on
top of that makes a nice emotional
cocktail. Take a sip it's bitter.
I miss my x tremendously it has been like
dealing with losing someone to death. She
was the only woman ever in my life who
was my best friend and partner. I ruined it
with addiction. I ruined her. It has
been 3 and half months without her. It still
hurts.
Maybe one day I'll write a book for therapy
sake on my five lives I lived. Even if no one
even reads it. Except I'm dyslexic. Serious I
am. Takes a lot for me to write.
Thanks for letting me be honest here. 3 and half months of being sober. Merry Christmas Governor.