Real Honest

Struggling Help
#1

Okay. Day 17 being sober after my relapse.

Struggling as I feel myself yearning for companisonship. I know am very aware this is my routine, I know its due to my codependency blah blah blah.

The more days sober I get, the more that lower part of my brain tells me I NEED A MAN! I need a relationship etc… (in reality I know its simply a distraction)

Anyone else really yearn for the distraction of a relationship and or attention newly sober?

Let me state, this is not for attention, I actually really want to know if ANYONE else deal with that? How did you reframe your mind?

Im hitting a meeting a day…trying my best to focus on the message, not the talent in the rooms. I KNOW BETTER! I know in order to love yourself you have to be alone and fall in love with yourself.

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#2

I was opposite as I was and still am in a relationship. That first year I was miserable but I had to try and hold it together for my partner. There would be a lot of days I wish I was single…..In the end like you said you’ll need to love yourself first before you can really love anyone else. Hang in there :pray: th

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#3

For me I had to rebuild a lot of family relationships and it was hard cause I lived alone but I focused on the main reason I chose to get sober and in time I have been able to reconnect and stop feeling so lonely but had to focus on me

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#4

I deal with the same too still trying to figure it out myself meetings help me and reading but I get where you coming from if u find a good solution keep me posted

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#6

I can resonate with you totally I'm only 5 months and I keep thinking if I had a partner to spend my evenings with life would be so much better. I hate being alone and I miss my ex so much but I had too say goodbye because she's still using. Its harder than anything and I even want to cry but I have faith someone will come along when the time is right or she will get help. Hang in there I know how you're feeling.

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#7

I was one to go real quick into a new relationship as one ended when I was drinking. The last woman I loved took me thru 14 months of wanting to die drinking. Sober over 15 years and single most of it. Many dishonest peeps on date apps. What generally happens is people become our higher power. Our feel good. People and things never removed my obsession to drink. Usually disappointed me and gave me lots of reasons to be mad and blaming others for my issues. Must find something bigger than humans, substance, and material things. My obsession for alcohol and or Meth removed in 2009 by working 12 step program with mentors that had done the work themselves. The result for me was a God of my understanding and sense of peace that’s priceless. Rather be single than loose this peace of mind. Think about not having urges and really not having thoughts about using. I thought it was impossible at the end of my using.

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#8

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing.

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#9

Sometimes I want distractions as long as I don’t use!

#10

Michelle it will get easier and easier as you gain more time. The honest step work really is a key to freedom. I’m here if you want to talk

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#11

Michelle, you just spoke what so many of us think but are afraid to say out loud. Seriously. That craving for connection can be so loud in early sobriety esp when we’re sitting with all those big feelings without numbing them. Soooo hard at times

I see growth

Loving yourself through the loneliness is is definitely a huge win. Keep going.

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#12

I hope someone is wishes this for me

#13

You need you right now period!!

#14

realizations and repeating actions against what we already know... we are not special in that sence of "it'll be different this time", we are not going "to re- invent the the wheel", that so many have road on and tested a thousand times over. We all crave connection. Its part of the human condition. But the connection we obtain is mostly toxic. We attract what we give out. And misery loves company.. I am no Saint in this by any means. But you know what put me on a better path?. People calling me on my s&%t. We all make excuses and im not saying you shouldnt be proud. We all happy you still here. But make the change. The rest is obsolete

#15

Yes I been single and sober same day 16 months ago hardest 5hing I. World. I want relationship but scared to

#16

You just have to understand that as humans and especially as addicts we crave connection and that rush that we get from someone we are drawn to .even more so after sobering up because we no longer have that instant gratification. I'm also struggling with that lately.all the social media access doesn't help at all. Don't let your brain trick you and reframing how you look at things takes work and steady work .
You got this!

#17

Honesty and discipline are two major ones I follow in my recovery!