Really struggling hard right now. So I had moved with my friend who I consider my sister back in October. And that was to stay away from my main trigger which is my home town. Thing is probation is forcing me to live back home where I do not feel comfortable and know that it’s very toxic for me. In order my probation officer to see this I had to check myself into a 28 day rehab just to get away and not get in trouble or use. Tonight is my first day back home and I don’t want to be here. I was referred to a long term treatment center which i considered but it’s an hr away n I have no way to get there. Plus I just completed 6 months of inpatient exactly a year ago. Things were going real well for me until a month ago. I really don’t know what to do right now. I want to use bad right now and I haven’t felt like this in over a year and a half. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like every time things are going well for me something comes along and messes that up. I feel very alone and I want to escape. My head is screaming but I did not use and will not. I’m terrified of myself because when I feel like this I self sabotage. Just trying to figure out what to do.
