Really struggling with the fact i just threw away almost 4 years of sobriety. I was doing so good. Why did I do this again? I have so much to lose this time around. How could I mess up like this again?! 
You didn't mess up 4 years. Don't fall into the enemy trap of regret and self pity! You get up, look in the mirror and tell yourself you love you, and use this as a learning lesson...you stepped in a mud hole, that don't mean you must lay in it...you got this. I love you and am proud you've caught yourself...now continue your walk.
Thank you. Iām trying my best to get back up..
This walk is not 1 you will perfect. But you just have to keep going.
Hi Kayla..
Just the fact that you're posting on here again shows that you'll never be the same addict again..
The seeds of sobriety have been planted and you've experienced enough of it to want it back in your life again!. That says everything! It's a one day at a time program, so concern yourself with only this day, pick yourself up where you left off, only wiser and more aware!. Every time you resume sobriety, you gain more strength and knowledge!. Baby step your way back into the program again ,and kick addictions rear!!! We're all here for you..
Congratulations on being accountable. You have something special in you that wants to shine. Dust yourself off and just get back to your sobriety..you got this!!
Someone wrote recently about a self sabotage characteristic we possess. Yours just reared its ugly head but you are sober now. Learn from the experience! Was it worth it based on how you feel now? It's very scary to read posts such as yours but I Learn from them...you got this Kayla!
Just do the next good thing. "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience could benefit others." You've got good left to give!