Really want to relapse. Anyone got any advice?
For me, the drink "Liquid Death" has really helped my cravings. It's a sparkling water but the can looks like a beer can. For me, it kinda tricks my brain and the sparkling water tastes like a seltzer. For some reason, it's helped me a lot 
play the tape as they say. you know what is going to happen if you start drinking again. order something you like to eat, drink something carbonated (not alcohol). it will pass! you can do it
Go to a meeting. Get a sponsor. Work the steps and pray my friend. Pray. I know it may sound silly at first but it really does work! Even if you don't necessarily believe in a specific religious God. Just ask God, the universe, the sun, the moon, just anything greater than yourself to help you stay sober just for today. You can worry about tomorrow when it comes.
Have you had withdrawals before? If so, conjure up a memory of them. That always works for me. Never want those fu(king things again.
even w playing the tape sometimes your brain justifies the bad. I would say get out of the house and spend time outside on a long walk, run, or doing something away from everyone. Force yourself to stay In the moment and after an hour or more your cravings will lessen
Go to meetings and get help.meet people.90 meetings in 90 days.aa 
Shift your perspective on alcohol there are no benefits