My sober self for months will set up greatness that can’t be achieved if I slip up. Then when I do slip up because I’m human. I fall directly back into self pity and overwhelming anxiety about what I’ve created and can’t sustain.
There has to be a balance that I’m not seeing. Sober me sets up slipping me for failure, and slipping me sets up a harder job for sober me.
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Awareness comes before change. So, it’s good that you are aware of this issue. What’s up with this greatness? Why do you have to be so great? What’s wrong with just being a regular human? The only thing I can maybe relate to is that I’m a big time people pleaser and do gooder. I have to be careful with this and set boundaries so that I don’t end up running myself into the ground and full of resentments. What do you mean by greatness?
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Think of a scale… put too much on one side and it slams down, take too much off one side, the same effect. Keep the balance and everything is even. Don’t try to be a great person just be a person. If he rest will work it’s self out.
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Just the ability to always be better. To build more, have more understanding, be a better father, a better son, a better human. To fix my flaws so I can be the presence that I was made to be. I have these ridiculous standards for myself and unfortunately so does everyone around me. I don’t take days off until my knees literally give out and at that point I’m just “letting everyone down” and “dropping the ball” I want to keep going. I just can’t sustain.