Rehab romances start because we have removed the things that masked our pain and suffering. Masking pain and suffering is just another way of saying using to feel good. We have tendencies as addicts/alcoholics to seek outside ourselves for something to feel good about. Take away drugs and alcohol and we find ourselves pleasure seeking elsewhere. Dating relationships ect.. its a trait we all commonly share to avoid focusing on ourselves in early stages of recovery. 9 out 10 times it fails and ultimately leads us back to the starting line if we are fortunate enough to make it back. Just some food for thought. Be careful and keep your self as the number 1 priority
I am in a really similar situation and know exactly what you are talking about
I would love to talk to you about this in dm
I thought this was a joke. Unfortunately many of us do this. We have to learn the hard way. See rehab isn’t just stopping using; detox is for the stopping, rehab is for learning new ways to cope within life and changing the behaviors. Romance so early on is many times the same using codependent behaviors. Recovery is about learning and growing but when we enter into a relationship it becomes difficult to change. We focus on the other person and our feelings rather than focusing on our triggers and behaviors that cause us to use. When we are told to give it a year and we actually do it for me I found so much peace and growth. I have now been single BY CHOICE for over 5 years. I’ve had many opportunities but because of the growth I was able to see my patterns. I realized that I attract the same types over and over, they are not good for me, and usually bring drama and chaos. I’ve much enjoyed a drama free non-chaotic life for the past 5 years. I’ve slipped up a few times but was able to get right back on track and continue to learn and grow. I still have fun and I’m never lonely but I have my freedom to do whatever I want. It might feel like love, but it’s honestly just your addiction manifesting in a different way, be careful this will happen with many things; love, s3x, food, chocolate, caffeine, shopping, you name it. Take time to be in a relationship with yourself, learn to love yourself better than anyone ever has. Once you do that, stay single until someone comes along that can love you even more than you love yourself. That way, you don’t just let anyone in anymore. Sorry it was so long but I’ve lost so many friends to rehab romances. It’s a real killer in our community, please give yourself time.
Sometimes concentrating on a new relationship puts working on “YOU” on the back burner. The statistics aren’t so good for this. I know this isn’t what you want to hear.
They are the ones who succeed. Unfortunately.
Uh
It is not recommended to begin a relationship in early sobriety.
I was told by my AA sponsor to be single for at least a year. “If you don’t heal, you will continue to bleed on every relationship” (her words) That way you know what type of relationship you want as we made different decisions when we were not sober. I’ve talked to guys and hung out with them but I haven’t been intimate with anyone since September with my ex boyfriend. It puts a lot in perspective. Sorry for the long response. I wish you well
Great share
Been there, done that…. Would not do it again. Train wreck and have watched the train wrecks. Works for a very small amount of people. I just switched addictions…. The man(men).
It's understandable that you may feel lonely and appreciate the validation that comes with being in a new relationship. However, it's important to take a step back and evaluate the situation before diving in too quickly. It's only been a week and it's important to take the time to get to know each other better and build a foundation of trust and communication.
Given that you have mentioned having trust issues and a past relationship trauma, it's important to take extra care to ensure that you are not rushing into anything that could potentially be harmful to you. Take the time to have open and honest conversations with your partner about your concerns and boundaries.
Additionally, it's important to remember that a healthy relationship involves mutual respect, trust, and communication. Don't prioritize the validation you receive from your partner over your own well-being and needs. It's crucial to take care of yourself and prioritize your own emotional health.
In summary, it's important to take the time to get to know your partner before committing to a serious relationship. Make sure to communicate openly and honestly about your concerns and boundaries, and prioritize your own well-being above all else.