I’ve been stuck in this cycle lately, I get 4 -6 days sober then think I’ll just moderate but end up drinking everything in the house until I pass out. And if I don’t pass out I beg someone to drive me to go get more. I don’t want to go to AA I have crippling anxiety and am not religious. There has so be another way a different way or just something I could do that is free. I don’t have good insurance and am unemployed..
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I was on a similar drinking cycle for several years with longer periods of sobriety sprinkled in between. I’ve been six months sober now, which has been my longest. For me going to therapy, learning more about mental health, setting boundaries, eating healthy all helped. I also am not religious and have an annoying social anxiety disorder. But I think connecting and being totally honest with people who have a similar struggle is very helpful, but I still will often let my anxiety win and keep me isolated.
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Remove all triggers from your home, work on your mental health and find out what it is that you are trying to avoid by drinking... Not in a religious way, but find your higher power(there are many different outlooks of what is their higher power for individuals with alcohol use disorder.)
AA doesn't work for me either, I prefer to exercise and by definition I have to be sober or not hungover to actually get the results I seek along with being able to have the time in my head to do some mental discipline over intrusive thoughts that tell me, "I can drink or that I need to drink"
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I am pretty active except for my really depressed weeks and I think maybe focusing on seeing results instead of drinking them away could really be a big help.. my sisters the only one in my family that doesn’t drink so glad I have her but another thing that makes it hard is my husband drinks
I vibe with this a lot and totally get where you are coming from. I was never an every day drinker. But the 2-4 days a week I drank, I’d turn the house, bar, restaurant, or party into a liquid-less desert.
This is my 2nd time in the program and the last time I said many (all) of the same things to myself that you wrote above. For me personally and now looking back, it was an exit strategy I gave myself for when I knew I would change my mind.
This go around (hopefully my last, ever), I’m forcing myself to surround myself with a network of people who don’t drink. I’m not religious at all, but I’ve found some power in thanking the universe and finding some amazing people to hold me accountable.
You’ve got this. It’s not easy or comfortable. But, you’re here. And that’s a great first step.
I am not religious and also try to avoid new social situations but you don’t have to say anything in a meeting if you don’t want to, go sit and listen to the stories for a couple times and see what you think, I don’t make it about religion at all, just have to believe in something bigger than yourself!
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I have social anxiety as well, and alcohol does not help. I am trying things to enjoy my days sober. I was doing so well, on vacation, then did some bad thinking, drank and missed my flight which cost me a lot of money. It sucks not being a moderate drinker or to be able to control it.
I have been doing this for the past six months, I've been so good for a while and I keep telling myself, it won't hurt me to have a few, once every week. I tend to overeat when I drink and I suffer afterwards. I really want to get to a place where I won't depend on alcohol to have a needy bad time in the end.
Allie, I know this is tough and seems like there is not a good answer. I don’t agree with religion in the since of Man getting right with God, or being good enough for God. That will kill you trying. But in my experience all addiction is spiritual in nature, and there’s allot at work there that is comming against you. This is why it seem impossible at times because we may be fighting the wrong war. In the AA big book, which I would highly reccomend you get and read there is a chapter around 3 called “We Agnostics”. It is beautiful. Because what happened is that there was a group of many that said how can we adopt a program with god when we do not believe in a god and stand against that?
But they Came to believe that their current way of life wasn’t working and that there had to be a better way to live. So they Were willing to put their thoughts aside and give it an open chance. And they got better!!! It’s not to say that they all came to believe in God, and this is not about that, but they were abel to overcome thier alcoholism and find a way to get a daily reprieve of the cycle based on the maintenance of their spiritual condition.
This spoke a lot To me. I would get the AA big book and read it and you could start with zoom meetings with your camera off if you don’t do well with social situations. Eventually i would quickly transition to physical meetings as they are very helpful.
It’s likely most people feel just like you but are willing to go through the process because the old way is to painful. I have never found anything so powerful than other addicts and alcoholics helping each other out of this cycle and into safety. I hope you find your peace you can do this.
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Hey Allie, I've been there and it's awful. A book that really helped me out is Alan Carr's quit drinking without willpower. It does a great job dispelling all the myths about supposed benefits of alcohol ( there really aren't any), and sets you up to happily quit and not want alcohol any more. There's also a book by Annie Grace called the alcohol experiment where each day there's something to read that also help reprogram our subconscious mind so there isn't the tug of war. You can definitely be free from alcohol addiction, bot physically and mentally and really enjoy being sober. I hope you feel better soon, hangovers are awful.
Allie, I experienced exactly the same hundreds of times! And I hated AA and most of the AA people. And I struggled & relapsed for many years. Only getting weaker, more miserable and pathetic! Many dark years! Then I surrendered to the winning side. To the sober side. I went to many different AA/CA & NA meetings. Until I found the meetings & people I genuinely liked. Then a sponsor I liked. Then I became a happy recovering alcoholic/addict. I started having fun! I made the best friends I ever had. Btw I am pretty against dogma religions. I detest organized religion! AA is not religious, but more spiritual.
My ego wants me dead but will settle for my misery. My ego keeps my mind & heart shut!
Open your mind & heart and truly give yourself a chance. You deserve to be healthy & happy! Millions of people hated AA and now love it.
I hope this helps. Good luck, I’ll be praying for you 
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Sounds like you might have a drinking problem.
Can you see that in a helpless intolerable state you still want to control the how where and why of recovery?
Has doing things your way on your terms worked well so far?
I ask because maybe the solution lies in something you don’t feel like doing. Maybe it’s time for somebody else’s ideas.
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Meetings are so important. If anxiety is an issue then try zoom meetings. Remember you're not alone.
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You can't be in meetings 24/7 anyway but you can open a Bible or Bible app you don't have to be religious to read the good news and feed your spirit it's free
AA doesn’t have bouncers with people lining up the door to get in. No one wants to go to AA when they first try to get sober.
But if you’re a real alcoholic, you’re not going to “figure it out,” you’ll die before that happens - that’s the defining characteristic of an alcoholic. And AA is where you’ll connect with recovered alcoholics who already have learned how to stay sober - and they can help you stay sober too, if you let them help you.
So which do you want more? To stay sober or not go to AA meetings?
I resonate with this quite a bit, this was my cycle for years. You’re not alone, reach out anytime.
I did it without AA. I say I did it alone but I did have help along the way from energy workers that led to a reiki practitioner that led to kundalini yoga. My first kundalini yoga teacher has been teaching for 50 years. He started after being a meth addict in early 70’s. I still thank him and my reiki girl amber for helping me through the worst parts of quitting drinking. They’re still here for me. I also went crazy reading of how to get through childhood trauma and trying to heal my inner child!
I have a bunch of books that are audio also I can send to you and contacts of really amazing people that can help you through zoom appointments and my yoga teacher has zoom options for classes.
There is no one size fits all to getting sober. AA isn't for everyone but it is a great resource for a lot of alcoholics-it took me several times through the doors to actually start doing the work. And getting sober takes work, commitment everyday, and life will still suck sometimes. I wished that everything would instantly get better once I finally put the bottle down but unfortunately that's not how it works. But your worst day sober is better than your best day drunk.
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Allie, are you ok?
Reach out to me if you are wanting a change in life. I can help you with potentially finding a new, better policy. I work with a recovery treatment program. I’m currently six months sober today myself. If a fresh start in a new location sounds like something you are interested in as you find yourself through sobriety. Reach out to me.