I’m in my second run at recovery and I had a very stringent prevention plan (I thought) my first time around, but it failed. I can look back now and see what went wrong and why I did what I did and I also could see I relapsed mentally before I actually took that sip. The one thing that I’m really struggling with this time around is loneliness I recently moved about 1,000 miles away to try and run from my problems. I got my third DUI up here so now I’m stuck, away from my support group everything I had basically lost my career, can’t drive my car just sits there and tempts me. Luckily the battery is dead or may have driven and that would more than likely be the first step of my relapse. It’s just tough because the nearest in person meeting is a 20 minute car drive not sure what the equivalent in walking would be but probably too far for me considering I do work 6-7 days a week. I plan on getting a bike when j can fit it in my budget but for now I’m stuck alone in my head in this house in a place that I don’t know anyone with a job that is not in the field of my professionalism. I’m thankful that I do have a house though I’m thankful I have a job regardless if the income is significantly less I just can’t accept this loneliness. I have an alcohol monitor on my ankle and I’m not sure if I would still be sober without because of these feelings and me not handling them correctly. I don’t want to live like that I want this I truly do it’s just I don’t want this depression this pain I’m just wondering when it’s gonna stop. Definitely taking today one minute at a time. zoom meetings help but it’s nothing compared to the way an in person meeting makes me feel I have trouble focusing sometimes on zoom as well. I’m trying to accept without regret my circumstances and it’s just really frustrating I have the money to go get a battery for my car now I’d have to pay 50$ for an Uber which Is ridiculous but like I said I’m in the middle of nowhere. I know getting that battery is a bad idea regardless if I stay sober tonight while I’m out once I drive once I will continue to tell myself it’s okay until I get caught that’s just the addict in me. Also the judge for my third DUI is giving me a great opportunity and I don’t want to ruin it I really want this lifestyle, just trying to find the fun in it haven’t yet and have been dealing with the worst depression, anxiety, and Add that I’ve ever dealt with in my life. I have reached out for help so may 27th j may be doing residential but until then j have to take it one day at a time because mentally I’m falling back, mentally I’m not sure how m uh I really improved past the first three weeks of being sober. I feel more dry than sober and it is a miserable feeling truly I know some people out there can relate or have been through something similar. I’m just asking what did you do or what are some ideas for me, because I feel like I’m going crazy in my head sitting here, I’m a 27 year old guy who loves to explore and do things outside of the house. It’s definitely the consequences of my own actions so I’m not looking for sympathy but maybe just a bit of empathy. Thanks. Also sorry for my grammar and punctuation my fingers were going crazy.
Hi Mitchell, the bouts of loneliness can be hard. Have you tried getting others numbers in the Zoom meetings you do attend so that you can connect more deeply? Are there zoom meetings in your area that maybe you could find someone to give you a ride to an in person meeting once a week? Sometimes we just have to work with what we have. I definitely think talking to other people in more than just a meeting setting would be helpful.
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I haven’t been giving my all and I’m gonna start because I’m sick of the self pity.
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D m me or friend me .