Relapsed after 4 months and 3 weeks. I just feel so hopeless right now.I screwed up and it feels like i'll never learn my lesson. I don't want to keep doing this. My anxiety rages up to a 20/10 and i lose my mind. I don't like meds because they seem to make stuff worse in the long run. man. Why does stuff have to be this way.
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Relapse is part of recovery. I’ve relapsed many times but I’ll never give up. I’m at day 20 and I’m going to keep going. You didn’t “screw up” you made a wrong decision and you’ve learned a valuable lesson of what you want and don’t want. The anxiety, shame and guilt will pass. Don’t do down that rabbit hole. It’s trying to take over again but don’t let it.
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It's not about learning a lesson it's about treating a disease. It's genetic you were born with it and you need help to get through. Some people need meds some don't, some need meetings some don't, some need faith others don't. Only thing I know is you cannot do it alone
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It's just a hiccup kid you pick yourself up you dust yourself off and you get right back at it when human beings we're not perfect and God is good and believe me he got you and you got this so you pick yourself up and dust yourself off and you keep fighting the good fight.yaa Hrrd and Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year and believe me you got this
Relapse is NOT a part of recovery. It’s a LACK of recovery. You may not have another chance for recovery and may die your next venture out.
Jails, institutions and death. That’s where our disease will take us. So what are you “willing” to do different this time??
Have you found an in-person home group?
Have you asked for help and found a good sponsor?
Have you thoroughly read the first 164 pages of the Big Book?
Have you worked ALL 12 steps with a sponsor?
Have you found a God of your understanding?
If you cannot say yes to these recovery questions, then you have some work to do.
My guess is that you’ve never been in recovery. Unless we do the work all we have is “untreated” alcoholism.
WE must find a spiritual solution for our disease according to the Big Book. It also states that “nothing ensures us immunity from the first drink than to work with another alcoholic”.
I suggest….Stop playing or stopping the mental health meds or you will die. WE must be balanced. WE all have anxiety through the roof. Work the steps and find a God of your understanding.
Best wishes 
