Relapsed again for I don’t know how many of times it has been now for the last 5 years. After I told myself yet again the last time would be my last. I broke down today and cried a different cry today. It was actually feeling like I have been defeated after being strong and having a positive mind set about me one day over coming my addiction. I’ve always never allowed myself to feel defeated and never wanted to have to claim it but today I felt so DEFEATED and now starting to think I may never overcome it from thinking one day I will overcome this. This is a pain that is the hardest of anything I have ever gone through. Now it’s a question in my head of will I ever get through this? Now I am unsure of what my outcome will be. I never used daily during my addiction but it still has a tight hold on me to where I can’t stop going back to it. I today realized this feels like a nightmare that I can’t wake up from and I wish I could turn back the hands of time so bad and would have reconsidered getting myself unknowingly involved in this situation I never have even imagined I would experience in my lifetime. I need God and need to come closer to my Lord and savior and this is what this is showing me constantly. I can’t think of anything else other than HIM who I want and need to run to so he can save me because every other way is not helping me. I pray God heals me and favors me in this situation as he has done other trails I have pushed through in this lifetime. This one is the hardest one yet. #SorryINeededThisVentForMe
Dee that fact you came on here and shared is huge. You get back up and start again no matter how many times it takes. Never give up brother 
Thank you Luis I greatly appreciate your support and reply
Don't worry about how many times you've stumbled, just get back up, dust yourself off and go to the feet of your savior. Lay it all down at His feet, stretch out your arms and He WILL embrace you!! He loves and will never turn on you. He has great things in store for you!! Let Him and let Him cleanse you...take up His place in you so that He can then work through you. Give Him that opportunity and you'll find it healing and rewarding at the same time. You are courageous and a spirited warrior...but all of us can only go so far against the enemy in this world. The enemy is powerful and knows how to trip us up. Now you let the Holy Spirit take up His place inside you and work through you, now you're unstoppable!! And you'll be able to do so much for others that have walked in the same places you have. It'll make all this pain worthwhile.
Thank you Ray for taking the time to give me these words of encouragement. It is truly appreciated and I will pray and continue to fight this battle and build my faith up again no matter how many times I may fall. I’ll win if I don’t give up and eventually don’t give in! 
I recently fell off the wagon but back on , thank you for sharing bevause it's nice to know we aren't all alone and we are fighting