Nobody is perfect, just keep trying and get a support group online or in person
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I can totally relate! I can’t seem to get it either. ;(
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Keep grindin girl. You have all your peers here! That windshield is as big as Wisconsin and the rearview the size of a tic tac… just keep looking forward. Take things in little slices and eventually you’ll have that whole tray of beach pizza. (I’m a Boston guy) lol. Would love to hear your story if you were ever down to share. It can be liberating at times :o)
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Firstly, being overly hard on yourself will only distractions you from the lesson to be learned and further your depression. You "failed" for a reason... you still have things to learn. Take this seriously, learn that why... why do you drink. Make a point to figure out this, how you can avoid that in the future and put together an action plan that sets a healthy routine and keeps you from these triggers. Education for me was pretty key. Routine was the other half. It takes hard work. Lots of it. It takes isolation. an uncomfortable amount.
That said, alcohol is a depressant. An awful choice for someone with DID and CPTSD as well. I recommend anyone who struggles with repeat relapse check out SMART Recovery. I wouldn't be approaching 1 yr fentanyl clean without their approach. Likely, I would be dead, dying or in prison.
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Way to go Christina! 
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I can relate
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Hey Christina, you feeling strong today?
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At some point I had to quit making excuses for why I drank and just except the fact that I cannot drink like other people. At all.
It felt good to finally surrender and drop the rock.
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I was chronic relapser for decades. Almost died several times last summer. I can more than relate. Talk to me if u like..740-333-9485 or ChipperDog1968@gmail.com
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I've been there! Welcome back 
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Courage
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Knock it off weirdo.
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I released lat week my kids new I feel like a pos
Stay positive. No need to get down on yourself. Congratulate yourself for the time you were sober and try to make it a little longer next time. Eventually you'll forget you messed up.
Sending hugs and prayers your way!
Yup