Relationship loss

Recovery
#1

Lost a great guy i saw a real future with. My lack of self-worth makes me believe I could have done something to prevent it. Maybe I could have. My authenticity matters to me.

It brought up a lot of fear again about my future for relationships. I am 37, never been married, no kids, my clock is ticking. He really was a good match for me.

Then bam, after 2 months of steadiness, he hits me with not seeing a romantic future for us. I will NEVER understand how this happens. Rejection is hard when it hits me by surprise. He brought a lot of joy to my life. Probably the only real joy Ive had all year. Now i am sad again.

I feel like i am always suffering from something, then i get something good that brings me happiness and then I lose it again.

I cant seem to keep the things I love. I wish i could keep the things I love. And please spare me all the inner peace and loving self right now. If almost everytime you attracted something or someone that brought you joy and peace, or you worked for something or someone that brought you joy and peace, or you were given something or someone that brought you joy and peace then had it ripped away from you - you would totally understand why the acceptance and inner peace philosophy loses its power.

I've done the innner work, i continue to do the inner work, our external world has a strong influence, I am not a monk.

I need stability, consistency, and security in my world, not just inside of myself but outside of myself too.

I am beginning to feel that anger and desperation again. Its welling up inside of me. I wont stuff it back way deep down by drinking alcohol though. But it does feel very horrible.

8 Likes
#2

I’m sorry you had to experience that. Yes rejection sucks.

1 Like
#3

Acceptance is a process. Not a crutch

2 Likes
#4

You seem to think that advice telling you that you need to make yourself happy before working on anything else is bs. Making anyone else responsible for your happiness is setting yourself up for failure over and over again. One lesson you should learn is that when you have the same issue over and over you are missing something.

5 Likes
#5

Eric, you nailed it

#6

Sam, I totally understand your frustration and dilemma. Been there too many times. Actually on both sides of the aisle.
I finally realized I had to just BE HAPPY. Efffff it! Just be happy on my own. I learned to love unconditionally without any expectations that includes loving myself in a non narcissistic way of course.
People come and go. Some stay longer than others. Doesn’t matter as long as I truly love unconditionally. Then I’m always happy :smiley:
I hope this helps.

1 Like
#7

Hey dollface. How’s it going?

#8

Research attchment styles, avoident, fearful avoident, anxious attachment, etc... often times irs not you it's their unhealed wounds and nervous system that is in a cycle of pushing people away if they get to close. I hope this helps.

#9

Reading this, the first thing I thought wasn’t ‘she’s the problem.’ You’re thoughtful, aware, beautiful and honest about what you want. A lot of people don’t even have that. Sometimes someone pulls back because they can’t meet the level of connection we’re ready for, and that has nothing to do with our worth. It hurts like h*ll, though. Don’t let this close you up. There’s someone out there who won’t get scared and bounce. Don’t let one person’s limits turn into a story about you. Rooting for you in a HUGE way! :heart:

1 Like