Curious…in your opinion can a relationship/marriage work if an individual chooses sobriety while the other chooses to drink? Does it make a difference if at the beginning of the relationship both individuals are either sober or actively drinking? What if the relationship has years invested and one individual refuses to censor their drinking around their sober partner?
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I was sober for about 2 years before I started dating my wife. She was a fitness nut, and basically didn’t drink. We married several years later and started a family. We had no alcohol in the house because we both didn’t drink. About 7 years and 2 kids later, she (we) had a near death horrible health scare. On her “death bed” she told her nieces to go have fun in life, and that if she were to make it thru this illness…she was going to start “living” life. Thank goodness she made it! Looking back now, I can see how our lives changed. As she started drinking, our social lives changed too. She being the social planner of the family, I found myself surrounded by alcohol and drinkers. I was the designated driver for everyone, and didn’t realize how uncomfortable and unhappy I was. We are now in our 30th year! I allowed myself to be miserable for a very long time (abstinent from alcohol and drugs for 25 years). However, I found other ways to escape my reality that I couldn’t face. It got very very ugly, and eventually led to me picking up alcohol and smoking weed again. Now I’m 16 months back into a really great recovery. I have made a social life of sober friends for myself. I make it a point to incorporate this sober life into our marriage. It’s not always easy. Sometimes my wife drinks too much and I get upset. Sometimes I leave get togethers with friends if it’s just hanging out and drinking. I’ll excuse myself early. Sometimes my wife makes comments that tick me off (party pooper, old man). I’m learning how to live this new way of life. My wife is learning as well. We both struggle at times. IF, we had just met each other now, I don’t think either of us would choose to live this way. However, we have so much history together. We are lovers and friends. We are both committed to making this work. It’s not always pretty, but we are both willing. Not sure I answered your question 
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All depends on the people of course. Personally, I have no problem being around people that drink, but for some it could be a trigger. Whether or not the non-sober person is a casual drinkers abuses alcohol is definitely a major factor as well IMO
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The sober person has to be very comfortable and strong in their sobriety and the drinking person needs to be very considerate of the sober person. I was a year and half sober when I met my now husband . He doesn’t drink much and I’ll express if I’m not having a mentally great day to him and he will be respectful of it or I’ll take myself out of the situation
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With you on that John TY
love it live it, I sure do walk away alot! And become silent! That's when my trouble start s???
So a little more backstory on the scenario: Thank you for all your replies and conversation! Ok so the partner is drinking 1-2 weekly and having at least 3+ drinks each time and usually visibly impaired. It’s offends the sober partner and the sober partner has voiced their boundaries at least 3 times prior in the last 6 months (including recent holidays) They are legally married and they have two children biologically together four total blended. They met at a bar. 🫣 Date nights don’t really exist they like used to. They have little to no real time together outside of parenting.
Any different views or suggestions/input?
You did more than answer it you made me ponder and think deeper on it honestly. Thank you for showing me it’s possible to adapt it and make it function if it’s worth it.
Great advice!! Thank you. I related to the post where you said when you express that you are having a mentally not great day.
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I think I’m at the realization in my sobriety that I have to seriously re evaluate friendships /relationships that over that 6 months have not acknowledged supported respected or adapted for my sobriety/mental health and separate or remove myself and it’s almost liberating scary and heartbreaking all at the same time
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Kelli, any relationship can work if both people are working at it. Just remember, all we have is today. I have no idea what’s around the corner. But just for today it’s pretty good. Sober.
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Amen Matt!
As you vibrate higher, you will slowly move away from those that don’t support the new you. You will spend more quality time and energy with those that make you feel good. It’s a natural process. You don’t have to put down ultimatums with most of your old acquaintances. Just put your time and energy into the people who support you. Most of your old friends will go about their lives, and your contact with them will become less frequent. It doesn’t dismiss or negate the good times and feelings you had in the past. You can love them from afar so to speak. Perhaps a few will change their ways over time and make their way back into your everyday life. It’s a process for them as well. Give yourself and your friends all the grace y’all deserve. We are just humans doing our best to ride the waves of life. Either way, continue to put your sobriety first, and good things will happen 
❤🩹