I’ve been sober for almost 2 years. I’ve had numerous abusive relationships and 2 failed marriages. So I’ve never really had a “normal, healthy” relationship. Long story short I’ve found one. He truly gets me, everything I’ve been through, never judges me, always there to support me no matter what and has the same goals and wants as I do.
Problem is I’ve never had this type of relationship. I don’t know how to act, feel or do. I’m used to being a hard a** and always having a wall up. Because that’s what I was accustomed to. I’m currently in therapy to deal with this and my many other issues.
Just curious if anyone else has went through this and your thoughts on this subject.
There’s a longer story to this relationship but I didn’t want to bore you or write a novel. Lol
It is strange and unusual to be with someone healthy at first. For example someone who reacts normally and proportionately to issues in a relationship.
Keep doing what you’re doing, counseling, working the steps. It’s going to feel a little more normal over time.
I would make sure to let him know why you act a certain way sometimes and that way at least he knows it’s you and not him. Just continue to work on yourself.
I can relate! I met a wonderful kind thoughtful man who doesn't drink! I was so cruel to him when I was drunk one night. I was absolutely awful...we are still together but not together...I think he's waiting to see how serious I am about my recovery. When we met I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship but same hand...all things happen in their own time and for their own reasons. I've never had a good sober relationship and it's new to me! No advice for me to pass on just I'm in same boat and hopfly can learn something too 
He knows everything about me. He was at my bedside when I was one of the worst of my worst.
It’s just hard to believe that’d he’d want a relationship still. I was never drunk around him but drank. He never saw the drunk, nasty me. He got to see me after my disaster though.
Relationships won't workout unless the partners have good communication with one another. Talk it out, see where he stands, tell him where you stand, Express insecurities and possible trauma from past relationships and try and move forward with one another. And also you gotta stop thinking negatively that he's not liking what he's seeing in you. Positive thinking and positive communication will bring you to the finish line with him!
I kind of feel the same way...like it's hard to believe this man would give me any kind of chance at all. I was in recovery when we met and I think I just got scared of being hurt again so stupid me pushed away the one good thing in my life by being a drunk mean ahole ...if I'm grateful for one thing today is that he's still my friend and gave me a chance
Yes I pushed him away several times. We always found our way back to each other. It wasn’t the right time at the time. I believe he truly “my person”
I totally agree. We have great communication between us. He knows absolutely all the down and dirty and is excepting me as I am.
It’s just hard to believe after all the s*** I’ve been through with men and relationships.
We all have what are called ego boundaries. Eagle boundaries are everything that make up Who We Are so to speak. When we meet Mr or Mrs Right, those ego boundaries become very relaxed and our new found mate can do no wrong.
But there's an old saying, sooner or later we all come down from the clouds and the reality of Life sets in. Both parties begin to find out things about the other party that they're not so sure that they like.
Love has to be a decision that you make rather than something that you necessarily feel. I love my wife more than anything in the whole world but there are things about her that aggravate me.
It's easy to love her for the good things that I like about her. Whether they are attractive traits or not so attractive traits they are what make her who she is and I love her for all of those things.
There was a Dr. Scott Peck who has since passed on but he wrote a great book entitled The Road Less Traveled.
He wrote an entire chapter on Love. That chapter in my opinion should be required reading for anyone considering getting into a relationship.
You can pick the book up for $2 on eBay.
I highly recommend that you read that chapter.
There are also some great books out there on recognizing abusive and controlling behavior before you get involved with someone.
Your therapy is a good idea. It should help you considerably.
A lot of us are looking for that, just don't self-sabatoge!! 
Time to love yourself first 
When we do that we seem to attract what we deserve.
I can totally relate … it’s a horrible feeling that we don’t know how to be in healthy relationship 
I remember my therapist telling me a quote that goes “ if you can’t handle me at my worst I don’t want you to handle me at my best “ good luck and love yourself first and that will start to help !
This is only a suggestion. I found a YouTube channel called crappy childhood fairy. She gives great insight to people who survived childhood abuse and neglect. ( It doesn't have to be the worst kind) Her insight might help..
Thank you!
So happy to see that there IS a light that never goes out