Relearning myself that’s something that I had to do especially in Recovery because I have been an addiction for so long. I didn’t know who I was and I mean literally I didn’t know who I was so when I got in Recovery, I started learning all of these things about myself like things I didn’t like things I didn’t want to happen things I didn’t care for the things that I wanted, and like my face is even different learning my spirituality, knowing who I am Christ Jesus I noticed that simple things made me smile and being alone was comforting. I never liked the crowd. picking up a book and learning that I love to write again something I hadn’t done in so long and sometimes I’ll find myself drifting into a romantic state of mind but find myself afraid to pick up a pin due to past trauma. I have so many things that I’m afraid to do due to past trauma that I want to get out, but I can’t make myself allow the words to come out of my mouth or to write them down on paper. These are the things that I’m having to deal with to relearn myself and push myself through to make sure that it happens, then I find myself drifting into thought and remembering certain songs how they made me feel what I would do we’re gonna dance for.
Then I noticed how I would lean back and think of my husband and how he would make me smile, but just by being himself, he will always call me his little girl. I’ve been his little girl since I was 15 years old and he’s the only one that does it and in my head, I was like I got your little girl trying to be smart, but if he didn’t call me little girl, but I really answer I noticed how he tells me you know you’re taking right as if I could ever forget that he does little things of just irk me sometimes too, but all in all I know he does it because he loves me. I remember waking up and some days not having a good day and he would call or be in front of me and he will say what we gonna do about it not what I was gonna do about it but what we were gonna do about it and he did everything in his power to make sure it was a week, including grabbing my hands and praying over me I find myself thinking about meetings. I want attendant and remembering the anonymity in those meetings is why I don’t speak of those meetings. I simply smile because I learned a lesson that day surrendering everything that I have had to surrender learning who I am today I’ve turned into a beautiful butterfly a gorgeous woman I’m strong beyond measures. I said my boundaries and I stuck to them even when it was my family and it hurts so bad I remembered me.
