I understand that I can never drink again. When I drink I get the losses. Loss of self, Loss of job, Loss of housing, Loss of time. I'm tired of losing and starting over. I wish I'm able to have one drink but one turns into 20 drinks then it's very hard to stop after that. By building support through outpatient treatment and AA I have hope that things can be different this time around.
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Relatable. Hope you build more connections here. 
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Yes
I still have the brilliant idea now and again that maybe one day in the future It'll be ok to maybe one day out of a month or on the weekends It'll be o.k. to smoke a little of this, and do a little of that. I know myself well enough right now that I am too fresh in sobriety to chance this undoubtedly very naive idea .... Having only been sober and off of street drugs for 6 months. I've been using substances of ALL kinds since my teen years in order to cope with my emotions and feelings....I just turned 50. That's All I knew for many many years. But it really really destroyed my life and hurt A Lot of people around me, including myself. My family members, friends, loved ones, and worst of all for me, my daughters who were in their early teens when I hit a bottom Soo hard that I quite literally couldn't get back up from up in order to try and save my life. I was not able to protect them at the time from all of the pain that I'd been a huge contributor of. Thankfully my ex-husband and his now wife were able to hold it together and stand in for me and my absence throughout the next decade plus of my addiction. I got soo bad that I became homeless for many years and became severely addicted to heavy, very deadly street drugs and a very dangerous lifestyle that I'm lucky to have survived as well as I have from. My daughters are both doing soo well, I couldn't have hoped for a better outcome other than none of this happening to begin with. Since that isn't an option, all I can do is continue to do my best every single day, because I finally have the opportunity to make a life for myself and my girls and my family.....and I am soo grateful for this.
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