Riding the fence

Sober Curious
#1

I have been struggling with this decision for a very long time.
I recently started a self healing journey to dig deeper and find out more about myself.
I have been struggling with work and relationship issues and I find myself faulting back to old habits and drinking and smoking myself to numb all of the pain.

However in this journey I have become extremely spiritual and it seems that every time I ask for a sign - it directs me at getting sober.
It’s something I have always wanted but it’s so hard to wrap my head around. Any tips or advice how to take that first step and let go of fear? 

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#2

Hey Caitlin! Thanks for sharing. You sound like your journey has bought you a lot of self awareness and understanding of how you tick. Now, how does one apply this in real life? I know the frustration of “knowing” what I should and shouldn’t do, yet slipping back into my default behaviors and ending up back in the same place. So frustrating! Especially when you can see it happening, but can’t or don’t want to stop it.
I can only speak for myself. I have found my solution in the 12 steps of AA. I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this answer (I definitely didn’t lol), but working this daily (mindful) program has allowed me to recognize that I have a choice. More importantly for me, I realize that not making a choice…is a choice. Acting like I’m stuck (powerless), is a choice. I finally found something stronger than my ego and self will. For me, the best part of all is I’ve always had it inside of me. I just silenced it with alcohol/drugs, obsessive compulsive behaviors so that my ego and self will was in control. Now, I do everything possible (meetings, 12 steps, prayer and meditation, sharing with others), to quiet my ego and self will, and I try and listen to my gut feelings. My gut feelings always knew what was right and wrong. Going against my gut always caused me anxiety that I didn’t recognize because I quickly numbed it. It’s a horrible viscous cycle.
Anyway, I’ll stop rambling and preaching. I just wanted to share my experience, strength and hope that you can push thru and get to where you want to be. Others have found other paths to serenity. Most paths do include a daily program or routine that keeps you mindful and allows you to find or get “your” power back. You can do it

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#3

Caitlin, I’m right there with you. Thank you @soberinsoflo125132 for your very encouraging response.

I had a friend share as she prayed for me the other day… “what’s the last thing you feel God’s asked you to do?” And for a decade now… I’ve known in my gut… that I have a problem w alcohol. I don’t know how to talk about my feelings, or just like to control the situation when I do. But when I want to escape to alcohol… Which I realize the past decade has been a very consistent theme… then I shut down.

Alcohol is keeping me stuck. It’s easy to isolate. It’s stealing from my life.

Like you I have had a hard time wrapping my head around joining a program like AA. But just this morning… and after my friend’s prayer last night… I realize it’s the very thing that I need! A community. Also… it’s the principles behind AA… step 1- admit that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life has become unmanageable. 2- that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

This resonates so much now w me and my gut. I need the community bc I sink back into denial… over and over again!

You have others around you cheering you on!!! You aren’t alone.

My day 1 sobriety truly may have started today!

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#4

I think you already took a big first step by writing such so honestly, and by being here! :blush:

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#5

You’re only young once, take control now and don’t live to regret a wasted youth.

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