Right now I'm grateful for God giving me strength to make my 2ed day clean.
I'm grateful my for my father who has loved me through my mental breakdown
I'm grateful how to have found this app in just the time when I needed something exactly like this in my life.
One Day At a time Kristina.
Are you going to any AA meetings? If you're not, I highly recommend it. They help very much. What's more important is finding a sponsor that can take you through the 12 steps. It takes more than getting sober to experience quality of life. We actually need what's called a psychic change.
I want you to read something that can be applied to either alcohol or drugs.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving
develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
"entire psychic change"
there is very little hope of his or her recovery.”
Yes I have been in an out of the rooms for 8 years now and the longest iv stayed is 11 months I'm very ashamed as I look back and I have now experienced how my disease has progressed as my relapses shorter and by day 2 of the relapse I was certain I was about to die and I felt a strong urge to get my heart right with God. This had never happened so fast b4 and when I woke up yesterday morning I was amazed to be alive and and iv had 2 mental breakdowns an so uncomfortable in my own skin but u just know I'm done and I am currently admitting myself to the hospital for a few days so that I don't go back out
Honesty was what I struggled with all these years and when I finally overcame the fear of getting Honest it opened a whole to world around me and some of the things I got honest an faced I had a hard time facing it and while I was clean I still wanted to die an then I picked back up only to put it right back down an still pushing through the pain
Welcome home! So happy you’re here
Kristina
There's no need to feel ashamed of yourself. Alcoholics and drug addicts are not bad people. We are sick people simply trying to get better. There are no failures. Only lessons to be learned that make us stronger.
I was a chronic relapser. Listening to your story I remember when I had resided to the fact that I was never going to be able to get sober. I was certain I was going to die an alcoholic. A hopeless drunk.
I finally got sober December 11th of 2002 and stayed sober for almost 9 years. I never thought that I would ever relapse again but apparently I had one more relapse left in me. The reason that I drank is because I too had believed the LIE; that this time, everything would be okay. But it definitely wasn't.
It cost me 3 years out there of qualifying before I finally came back into the program. I'm now over 8 years.
There is hope in your life. You're not locked up in prison somewhere. You're not confined to a hospital. It sounds to me like you are speaking logical thoughts.
I don't know you personally and I'm not sure what this mental breakdown is all about that you're feeling. Personally, if I were you I would start going to an AA meeting every day. I know you've been in and out of the program for 8 years but apparently you have missed the boat somewhere.
I was in and out for a long time myself. When I finally got sober in 2002. I had heard a lot of things and read a lot of things that I had heard and read before but I came to believe that I must not have really been listening when I heard or read the first time. I was too busy thinking about getting out of the meeting and going to have a drink.
But during that time I really wanted to get sober and stay sober so apparently I had more willingness and was more teachable than I was the other times.
When I came back in 2002, a psychiatrist tried to tell me that I clinically depressed and prescribed some antidepressants for me. I have Aviation interests and as a pilot I'm required to have a medical card. I had learned that if I had taken any antidepressants that I would be temporarily disqualified from qualifying for my medical card.
I wasn't about to let that get in the way of my dreams and so I stopped taking the antidepressants and I have been just fine without any medication. And I don't feel depressed at all.
I'm not in your shoes so I can't say that I know what you're feeling but I can only tell you that if you come to the program and do what is suggested your quality of life really does get better. I can testify to this.
I've heard it said that it's 10 mi into the woods and 10 mi back out.
Welcome I am on day 2 also … and yes this is a great app !! So much love and support 