Rockbottom Resurfacing

Struggling Help
#1

2 years ago I was arrested for the first time in my life for doing things to feed my demon of an addiction. I did two months worth of time and then signed an ROR to go to a rehab, (one of several.) After so many failed attempts, sneaking drugs into facilities, or finding ways to score from the inside - I realized rehab was just not for me. I begged my mom to help get me away from the people places and things that I felt chained to. I knew I needed a change of scenery and I also knew that going back to my roots 900 miles away would be just that. I stayed with family members who were reluctant at first about taking me under their roof. I thank my higher power everyday for them choosing to open their door to me, as it did indeed save my life.

Fast forward to present day: I’ve got 16 months clean. I get to keep my daughters overnight every weekend. I have a daily yoga routine. I have a relationship with a higher power of my understanding for the first time ever in life. I’ve never been closer to my family nor have I ever felt this in tune with myself. I have also hired an attorney to help me clean up the mess made by another version of myself I do not recognize these days. I’ve been given the impression by my attorney that my warrants are currently being handled. I’ve been advised to not turn myself in until my lawyer does what he needs to do, which includes finding space on the docket to get in front of the judge and present my case, (without me at first.)

Then, this morning, the county sheriff’s office decided to post my mug shot on their Facebook page for this week’s ‘Wanted Wednesday.’

I can’t wrap my head around the fact that this is even a thing. I can’t comprehend how the sherrifs department is allowed to make posts like this on social media.

I knew I would have to face the consequences of my mistakes and actions from the past at some point. I thought I was prepared to do so but there’s nothing that could’ve ever prepared me for something like this. The longer I’ve pushed this off, the harder it has become to imagine myself back in that kind of environment.

I have come so far and I have tried so hard to do all the right things yet I can’t help but feel like it’s not enough. I’m freaking out over this skeleton forcing its way out of the closet that I’ve got no control over. I have a zoom meeting with my attorney tomorrow to discuss what the next steps will be, and hopefully he can give me an idea of what to expect from here.

I’m apprehensive about sharing this here but I need all the prayers/positive energy I can possibly get right now.

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#2

Ughh…sorry for this challenging situation. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It’s very inspiring to many of us who have struggled with the beast of addiction. Now is the time to use all the tools you have learned these past 16 months. We may never know the reasons why this has come out at this time, but today you have a choice on how you process this. You said yourself that this is an old version of yourself and you are a new person. Nothing has changed. You still choose not I be the new version. I know the shame and negative feelings are kicking in, but you are in recovery from a deadly disease. You were/are sick, and you are doing something about it ODAAT. Give yourself a break. Remember you are ok, and the universe will take of things if you take care of yourself. Have faith. Wishing you the stew and courage to face and get thru this. We learn so much from these painful situations. You got this🙏

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#3

Praying for you. Sending every bit of positive energy I’ve got.
I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to wake up to that after everything you’ve done to turn your life around.
You are not that person anymore. The sheriffs are posting old info. You’re 16 months clean with your life together. They’re just catching up to paperwork.
Your attorney said don’t turn yourself in yet. Trust that. He knows what he’s doing. This will get handled the right way, and you’ll walk through it sober.
You didn’t come 900 miles and rebuild everything just to lose it now. You’re stronger than you think. Let us know what happens tomorrow. We’re here for you. :heart::pray:

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#4

You are in my prayers. And, for what it’s worth I can tell you that it has been my experience that skeletons always find their way out of closets and some of them bring ugly consequences. Keep on the path that has been working! It is now more important than ever that you continue to do the things that got you this far! Miracles and great things happen on your current path. Why would they stop? No matter where this consequence leads you, if you handle it with the same solution you’ve used these last months, you will surely experience triumphs and successes and miracles that will become powerful experiences you can share with others that can and will save lives. Literally. You are a success story and an inspiration. Please continue to be.

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#5

You are amazing. Don’t lose sight of your potential and progress.

#6

Keep your head up and continue the hard work you have been doing. Hopefully soon this will just be a thing of the past..sending you all the positive energy! 🫂

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#7

I TOTALLY 100 PERCENT FEEL THIS !!! The police department in my hometown also posted my mugshot on Facebook .... And EVERYONE had an opinion on it !! People sent screenshots to my family .... Friends I went to school with all said awful things about me. ..And my charges were mortifying (I mean , I guess they usually are ) it was the lowest I'd ever felt . Not even so much because of my actions at that point .... But because of the fact that it's legal to slander people like that !! It has now been a couple years since it's happened ... And everyone's forgotten it . And even if they didn't , I don't care anymore . I'm far away making a better life for myself ... Just like you . And I find it to be amazing that you're so positive about getting away , sometimes it's hard for me... And 16 months is such an achievement. The people that posted your mugshot ... They're on a serious power trip . With No compassion in that position of power. I wish you the best of luck with your case(s?) , I'm sure it'll all work out. You've come very far and any half decent judge will take that into account.

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#8

I can only imagine how heavy this must feel, especially after how hard you’ve worked to turn things around. You’ve already proven your strength by facing this instead of running from it. The past doesn’t define who you are now — your growth does. Take it one step and one conversation at a time. You’ve got people rooting for you and sending peace your way. :v::yellow_heart:

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#9

Clean up the wreckage of the past…..
Then you don’t have to run anymore.
Then you won’t be filled with fear, anger, remorse and regret.
Then you can move forward in your clean and sober life.
Since you have a God in your life turn to Him.
God’s gotcha no matter what the circumstances.
Best wishes :pray::peace_symbol:

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#10

That should be against the law. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. Please please please don’t let it affect your great and wonderful sobriety growth.

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#11

Wow. Talk about trauma inducing. What in the actual - I'm sorry law enforcement did that...I'm really at a loss of pleasant words for hearing this...

You can control how you respond to this. Coming here and sharing about how you feel is a big indicator that you are working on coming on top of this. And that's absolutely immense. Your feelings are valid - this is showing up for yourself in not doing something stupid just cause someone(s) else did stupid.

Also, not a lawyer but...if The Rock were cooking even he'd smell a lawsuit.

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#12

I believe that God has a plan for all of us. Sometimes tests and trials are a part of it. I think you'll come out of this better from the experience. It was rotten of them to do that but meeting with your attorney tomorrow is probably the best thing you can do. Try the serenity prayer, maybe 100 times. Thank God we're sober! :pray:

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#14

Transformation. All glory to your high power.

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#15

Thank you for being so open about what you’re going through. It’s clear you’ve worked incredibly hard to turn your life around and build stability, and that progress is something to be proud of. It’s understandable to feel shaken by this situation, especially after so much effort to move forward.

At this point, the best thing you can do is stay in close communication with your attorney, follow their guidance carefully, and make sure you fully understand each step of the process. If at any point you feel uncertain or uncomfortable with how your case is being handled, it’s entirely reasonable to seek a second legal opinion for reassurance and clarity.

You’ve already demonstrated real strength and accountability in your recovery—those same qualities will serve you well here too. Keep focusing on your progress, stay grounded, and lean on the support network you’ve built.

Sending you steadiness and encouragement as you navigate this next step.

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#16

Arielle, I know the situation is very difficult for sure! I was put out on front street in many ways and felt powerless and humiliated. But I learned that these seemingly horrible things happened for me to transcend and overcome. Many opportunities for me to be of service. I became stronger spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I made deeper connections and became grateful.
I never thought this was possible.
I’m here if you want to talk

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#17

@arielle393689 I agree :100:% with Kim.
You danced for free all this time now it's time to pay the band.
Consider this street sweeping day.. it's time to clean your side of the street.
This is all part of trudging the road to a happy destiny.
Just think when it's all said and done you can share this experience with others like you on how it feels and what it felt like to make the local Sheriff's 'Wanted Wednesday' page.
I sense a lot of fear and despair in your post. Good... You had a free ride all this time, you failed to voluntarily Clea up your past. Now God is getting involved to teach and show you a thing or two.
God, as I understand Him, will not steer you down the wrong path.
Worry about the things you have immediate control over turn the rest over to God.
Here's another thought. This is the making of a badass recovery testimony... Think about that.

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#18

Awesome on your time clean and sober. things in life have come up for me many times and I still manage to stay sober. Praying that for you. You seem on a really good path. Glad you’re here for support of other people in the community. From the bottom of my heart good luck with all your facing. For sure great to wake up sober today again.

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#19

This moment doesn’t define you — it’s just one more challenge on your journey to redemption. The past doesn’t erase the progress you’ve made or the good you’ve done since. Stay focused on what’s within your control: showing up, being honest, and taking the next right step. You’re already doing that by talking to your attorney and facing this head-on. Every Wednesday I have been going to a detox to share my story with the hopes of reaching someone. Your journey is so powerful and you will never know the impact your words will have on somewhere. Never be nervous to share. I pray you find the strength to get through this. Thank you for sharing.

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#20

That’s why sobriety is one day at a time

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#21

I have been through a similar situation. Unfortunately, my situation involved local news on TV and an article in a major metro area paper.

I thought this black-tape label would never go away. It lasted a long time, years in fact, but it did go away.

I adopted the fact that my friends and family are the only thing that mattered. They were the ones that were there for me through it all, and it was their opinions that mattered to me. No one else’s.

Years later, it’s not even talked about.

Sure, anyone can google anything. But at that point, I feel I don’t care to be involved with whomever is doing it anyway.

The skeletons never go away, they just become less.

If I could get through it, you can. Don’t ever give up.