I saw a picture of a woman holding a mocktail, and I thought this:
It's dangerous for a guy like me to hold a drink like this in early sobriety. At that point I still didn't understand that I was slowly, painfully and completely killing myself. I had gotten myself to a point where I couldn't stand living with a drink, and I could stand living my life without a drink. Alcohol became my solution to everything, my misery, my self-hating, my depression, and living in the past full of guilt, shame, and remorse. One foot in the past ashamed and embarrassed at the man I had become, and one foot in the future worrying about all of those consequences headed my way. I was never present.
The good news is, that AA has found a solution to that problem and it quite simply involves us saying, "I can't keep fighting, I need to surrender to a power greater than myself." I couldn't pick up that first drink NO MATTER WHAT, keep doing the next right thing, be honest with myself and others, and say some prayers. That's all I need to do? Yes, because the farthest distance between 2 parts of the human body are the head and the heart. When your mind and your heart agree that enough is enough, then you are ready to take the 12 steps.