In the worst of my addiction, everything was not only not my own fault, but anyone and everything else's fault. From how much money I had at that minute to buy more drugs, whether or not I stole from somebody else to get more and mostly why I used them. I used them to not feel anymore period. To feel better or nothing at all. To feel anything else other than how I was truly feeling without them. And none of it was my own fault. Today I know that this is not true. I'm responsible for my drug use and abuse and the reasons behind them. Although my fault or reasonings behind doing so may have been less in my control at moments, as in as a child. I was reliant on my parents for things and the negative emotions that came from some of these situations that were negative at the time....those were my feelings all the same. I am a fully grown adult now... although w the mindset at times of a child or adolescent who doesn't know how to cope properly w the world at times, this is no excuse as to why I don't do a very good job most of the time. It is my responsibility to figure this out without hurting anymore people or blaming them for how I may or may not feel emotionally in response to their own actions. For this I am very grateful and able to move forward.
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The hardest days in recovery still beat the best days using. You got this
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