Why is it so easy to get down on myself? The second something goes wrong my automatic tendency is to hate on myself. I know that booze didn’t help it actually made everything worse in the end but I still miss the drink. It was a clear cut path and choice I made. Now I’m just stuck with all these emotions!! Don’t worry I won’t drink over this. I’m working on self love but it’s a challenge. I’ve never really tried meditating. I think I might give it a go.
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I feel exactly the same way . I will be 5 months on the 25th and I always have that little voice in the back of my head trying to talk me into a drink at every turn . I find boredom for me is a big trigger for me . And sitting in emotions is hard especially when you have been numbing them for so many years . I feel like I’m getting to know myself for the first time . Meditation helps and exercise … anything I can do to pull me out of a dark place . One day at a time … you got this 
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Have you considered yoga? I found them to be similar but add movement with it. Plus, it's great exercise 
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It’s the only thing we know when we are drinking and druging. We are not able of loving ourselves, so destruction is the path we choose. Go to a meeting and make connections, work the steps, your worth it, I believe in you.
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I have mediated for years and find that it centers me especially when I lose focus on my path of way. I meditate daily .
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It’s rough out here but stick with it, the only way to grow through it is to go through it 
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Like others have said, what you are feeling is very common for us in early sobriety. You are exactly where you should be. No need to judge yourself and make it worse. It all starts with that awareness, and the courage to make that choice not to run and escape with our addiction of choice. Meditation is a great tool to help relax yourself. Remember that even the beginning of sitting quietly to meditate can be very uncomfortable. Sitting quietly with our thoughts is exactly opposite of what we are used to doing. So once again, don’t judge yourself when your mind is racing and things are uncomfortable. Just try it. Try it a little bit everyday. It takes practice. Eventually you will get used to the uncomfortableness, and know that it is only temporary.
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I’d like to share an exercise that was a HUGE ‘aha’ moment for me in the self love journey. Idk if you have kids or nephews or nieces but it helps to imagine how you feel about them and how you speak to them. It also helps if you have a photo of your younger self, maybe around 5 or 6. The exercise is to reconnect with that child in the photo, have a conversation with her. Love and care for her as you would a child in your own family. And realize that means loving and caring for yourself as you would a child. Maybe this kind of thing isn’t for you but this was one of those light bulb moments where everything shifted for me. I was sobbing at my baby photo and apologizing for all the ways I’ve mistreated myself over the years 🥹 I still have that photo of toddler me sitting out on my desk as a gentle reminder. anyways, hope it helps if you try it out.
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I pray and ask God for clarity and God’s will for me on such big questions.
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And then make chunks of time to relax and listen with my heart.
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I’ve been exercising more to get my mind off it but honestly I might be jealous of people that can drink normally forever
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This is a subject very close to my heart. I was picked on and bullied in my younger days (nerd with a lot of freckles and thick glasses). Negative self image and self esteem have controlled a lot of my life. 1: I allow myself to take compliments, to a point, I don’t down play my actions, to others or myself. 2: I have learned to literally stop myself when negative thoughts come. (This takes time). I scream stop in my head, don’t do it out loud, people will look at you funny. Lol. Then I focus on a gratitude list, say a prayer for the person or situation, or think about something happy involving the person or situation. I actively start working on this 6 months ago when my wife told me she didn’t want to work things out. Talk about beat myself up. I still have a long way to go. But I am in a much better place now then I have been in many, many years. That is my experience. Shoot me a message if you would like to talk about this some more. Keep you head held high and one foot in front of the other.
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How far into sobriety are you. I’m 92 days in. Bumpy up and downs to begin with, but the emotions level out as you progress and things are looking up for me now. Replace alcohol with positive things daily, and it helps smooth things out. Enjoyed leading a group hike today on a beautiful Spring-like day.
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The disease lives in my thinking and the first person to take the fault is myself it’s about me finding new ways to take care of myself so I don’t try and self sabotage
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You’ve gotta be more patient and give yourself some grace. I’d recommend going to some meetings, getting a sponsor and working on your connection with the higher power of your understanding…
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I'd definitely check out some lead/speaker meetings, if you're not. Get out and hear other people's stories so you can see that you're not alone. It's very cathartic and doesn't require any superstitious woo woo to benefit from it. I mean we all know there are people out there going through what we are going through, there is just something about hearing their stories and how they dealt with things that really helps.
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I too have wrestled with these feelings of inadequateis, especially when I dwell on my past mistakes,or people that have done me wrong? It is such a dark emotional place that I try to avoid? When I stopped drinking I try to keep doing the right things, service to others and to yourself. You have to love you first, what you put out, you get back? Sorry if I sound like a blissful idiot but if you're trying to get better you're going to be better! ODAAT
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I understand completely. I was raised by a narcissist so naturally everything that went wrong I was blamed for, so I began to take that on as my inner monologue. I can relate to the self sabotage too. In those moments when something goes wrong, try to pause and have compassion with yourself. Talk to yourself like you would talk to someone in your life that you care about.
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I love this idea❤️ it’s making me tear up just thinking about it. How healing that must have been
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Meetings, Steps, sponsorship? It's been working for me and I used to really hate myself and struggle with the feelings too.
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