I recently picked up on a pattern of self sabotage. Things could be going well, and I’ll almost purposely do something to f*ck it up. Say something I shouldnt. Eat something I shouldnt. Slack off at work after finally catching up. I know what Im doing is harmful, but I cant help it. I dont want to do it, but I do.
It reminds me of when I used to drink. I just wouldnt stop. Work tomorrow? Who cares, drink. Need to take care of the kids? Pffft, whatever.
Im sure we all had this in our addiction. Does anyone else experience this in their sobriety?
Im 21 months sober, so its also coupled with dreams (nightmares) about drinking (self sabotaging my sobriety), which Ive heard is normal.
1 Like
Kevin, my ego is NOT my amigo!!! I learned my self sabotage is my addict mind/ego and wants me dead, but will settle for my misery:(
Some folks call it “the disease”, some call it the “devil inside”. Whatever floats your boat. But do know that it’s real. I recognize it every single day. Once I do, it loses power over me. That how we create our higher conscience.
I’m here if you want to talk.
And congrats on the 21 months!!! Even after 16 years of absolute sobriety, my ego is still throwing wrenches😅. But I don’t let it affect me nearly as much and certainly not as long as before my recognition.