Settling for a disappointing life

Recovery
#1

When do you just accept that life is dull, boring, and mostly just disappointing?

I’m sober, but life isn’t objectively “better.” Sure, I have money now, but little else seems better. I still have no friends, I have no relationship, I’m very lonely.

I’ve been told I need to find hobbies. I don’t know how, honestly. I work out now. I cycle. I learned how to cook. I eat well. I’m in great shape. I’ve tried doing things I find “interesting” lately. I’ve gone to car shows, collectible expos, outdoor stores. Just some things. I just don’t know what I’m “interested” in as a pass-time. I can’t just work, cook, work-out, repeat, then die.

There has to be more. I’m sure I am not articulating my frustration, but it’s been a visceral frustration with my loneliness and dissatisfaction with life.

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#2

After a year sober I realized that there were still some issues I had that I thought were caused by alcohol but, I discovered, were actually being “treated” with alcohol. So once sober the real work could, and needed to, begin. Maybe you want to check out an SLAA meeting, which is relationships focused. You might find you identify as an emotional/intimacy anorexic. Maybe you won’t, but my point is you should start treating your feelings as the genuine feedback they are- not clouded by alcohol anymore. You’re on the right path, but here’s where the work (and rewards) will really come in. In my opinion.

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#3

Ahhhh, have you tried plugging in to a recovery program for “Fellowshipping”? Sounds like you’re white knuckling your recovery.

#4

I agree I essentially white knuckled for 5 years it wasn't until 2 weeks ago I reached out to AA its changed my whole perspective on sobriety. I don't subscribe to everything the teach but to feel like I'm home with other like minded people has changed everything. If anything the comrodery has brought new hope to my sobriety.

#5

I love cycling. Big fan. I just joined a local group last week and it’s cool because I don’t really have to talk to any of them but I have more people to ride with. If you have a local group check them out

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#6

Yeah Raymond, are you in a program right now? You're out in Piqua, you might need to get to a bigger town, that place is middle of nowhere. Hit up Dayton maybe? Hit meetings there?

#7

Life is what you make it. I set expectations for me and only me, to hold myself accountable and to push myself. I’ve learned to slow down. Enjoy the moment for what it is, be that good, bad, or ugly.

Things start working out once you’ve let go of controlling the outcome. Happiness is earned, not given. If you’re not happy alone then having someone around won’t change that. Idk what the answer to that is for you, that’ll take some honest thought.

I hope you bounce back man, it’s possible but it all starts between the ears.

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#9

I moved back from Columbus to get away from all the bars and I used to live next to a liquor store.

#10

Been definitely thinking about some kind of martial arts. I broke my clavicle a little over a month ago, been waiting for that to heal up completely before I hit anything that physical again. Just doing preacher curls and lower body stuff now, and cycling

#11

I enjoy it, but I’m by no means one of those people with the right shorts and shirts and fancy banks lol. I ride a schwinn :sweat_smile:

#12

Intimacy anorexic is new one… never heard that before. It’s been years since I’ve been close to anyone. Like, over 5 years… so probably yes, starving for that :confounded:

#13

I will admit I haven’t been to a meeting since I actually decided I had to stop drinking. I only ever went to them when I was still drinking.

#14

I used to view my life in active addiction as “interesting ,” but was it really? I was a slave to drugs. It’s just that simple. Today I’m free! And I’ll admit that everything in my life today is not always so interesting or exciting, but I’m not going back to being a slave. No way.

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#15

Dude I feel this so much. I don’t have an answer for you but know you’re not alone in feeling this way

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#16

I know that I drank all those years, every night, until I couldn’t see straight, just to not have to feel.

#17

Thanks for acknowledging I might have articulated something real. I’ve been trying to pinpoint exactly what this feeling has been, and what I drank so heavily to bury.

#18

I dove into volunteering something about fixing broken things heals the soul :heart::cat2::dog2: I’m still lonely but less, I still have no real friends but I have like minded volunteer friends, and I find dating extremely hard.

#19

I understand completely I to am lonely and sick and tired of being alone.

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#20

I see your tracker is over a year-congrats!! Have you helped others to get sober with your one year wisdom? I always feel life isn’t boring when you have others to share it with. I could have multiple hobbies/multiple “toys” but without someone to share them with-isn’t just not as fun.

#21

Haha well it doesn’t matter what you wear. It’s cool to ride with a large group. I don’t have all the gear I just like getting outside. I have a cannondale. The bikes the other people ride are like pro bikes and they all do races. I just like to go and ride with more people. A majority of them know I’m in recovery so it’s just like another support group.