I relapsed recently after 11 months of sobriety . I have never felt so much shame and guilt in my entire life . My relapse was so heavy im enduring grueling withdrawals. I lost all my family trust again. My body is basically giving up on me . While relapsing i did and said some embarrassing things that i hate hearing about . So i drink to forget , i drink to forget the pain of my recent breakup . I drink to take the edge off but now i feel like I’m n my own edge waiting to jump. I’m only 26 years old but i feel like giving up . It’s so hard to see the light anymore
21 Likes
I Feel Your Pain!
I Can Relate 
I used every excuse in the book; COVID, Divorce, Burn Out… I laid my 9 year coin on a bar counter down in Florida,
Guilt & Shame took me on a 11 month downward free fall ending in jails, institutions, & certain death if not my grown son told me to “Go Back to the Basics”
I did just that and I’m Only 4 months & change in… but I ensure you! You CAN get it all back again but it takes WORK!
“Try” Not to Beat Yourself Up to Bad or You Will Make it Worse!
***What Worked for You 11 Months ago?
Put some thought into it, dig out your old Dusty notes and keep “US” posted!
5 Likes
You’ll get back up and succeed. Have faith. One day at time
I started drinking again after 15 1/2 years. I understand why all the negative thoughts are happening. It’s hard to find something good in today when I keep looking back at yesterday’s mistakes. Gratitude for one single thing is one step closer to humility.
1 Like
Jess, we are with you. The only thing you can control is today. Do not pick up that drink or drug today. You made 11 months and that’s great but that’s all in the past now. Use the shame, humiliation and despair to your advantage… stay sober today. What everyone else thinks of you right now doesn’t matter. This is you, it’s your life. Get back up and do what has to be done. If your not in a program already you need to be in one. You need to work a program. You have to tell yourself (I’m aware easier said than done) that you will give yourself a pass today. You don’t know about tomorrow but you can know today your not going to drink or drug, your going to make some effort to be the best version of you today. I wish everyone on here was able to actually be in a meeting together. This is easier with human interaction. Going 11 months with a relapse is part of your sobriety journey at this point. Thats all. We strive for progress not perfection.
I relapsed after 10.5 years clean and was out for 3 years. In that time, I destroyed everything sobriety had given me. The last time that I used, I ended up in the hospital and lost most of the function in my right arm. It was hard for me to see the light for quite a while. It's been 23 months since that happened. I've regained some use of my arm. It's so easy for me to past trip on everything that I lost (career, fiance, health, freedom, etc), but I try to stay in the moment and be grateful for what I have today (which honestly isn't much).
I am sure they will make the road to recovery seem clean. They’ll use words to make healing seem pretty and pretend the bandages don’t feel heavy and still cause pain. Your sadness is never going to be near and tidy, and on some days you might even wonder how you’re going to pick up every shattered piece on the floor when burying your soul seems much easier. There will be moments where you have to convince yourself that feeling is better than being numb and that your aching bones are strong enough to carry on. There will be times things feel upside down and you are spinning on an axis that is never balanced. There will be days where you take steps backward and those new steps forward feel very far away. But remember, even in the difficulty you are still taking steps and you are still making progress. And for every bump along the way, just remember you have come this far; might as well keep going right? Give yourself grace and much needed self love now more than self desecration.
2 Likes
This ain’t easy , stay strong
Relapses are painful. It is in the process of working thru this pain that we find the much needed lessons that will propel us forward into our recovery journey. You are strong enough to do this. We are here to help you on your bad days. We recover together. Come join us…let’s go…
2 Likes
Time to leave the shame behind, you know what to do! You're alive today so that means you've got a shot. I'm glad you're here.
Forget the shame and the guilt it will kill you. Get up move on lesson learn adapt and overcome.
Are you still drinking or have you stopped
1 Like
Do YOU! Even (especially) family can throw off your recovery.
Hang in there, Jess, this, too, shall pass, sometimes we got to take it one moment at a time to get through but every moment matters . We’ve got to feel it as much as it hurts. We’ve got to feel it all..
1 Like
Jess, I can certainly feel your pain. Even though relapse is not part of the recovery process it can certainly happen to anyone.
I had almost 9 years when I relapsed. It cost me 3 years of absolute oblivion before I came crawling back into the rooms of AA.
I knew a man personally who went back out after 32 years.
The next day, when I woke up after relapsing, I was so angry, and I felt so much shame like you're feeling right now. I want you to hold on to this shame and these feelings for as long as you can, and I want you to remember what you're feeling right now when you contemplate picking up a drink.
What's done is done, and there's nothing you can do to change it. But you can change the future starting today, right where you're at.
Hopefully this will be a big lesson for you and it will never happen again. We have to learn to play the scene forward. What happens if you pick up a drink? You may feel some relief for a short period of time but when it's all over with you will have to start all over again and you'll be carrying around lots of shame like you're carrying around right now.
I have a few questions..
Were you going to AA meetings?
Did you get any phone numbers and use them especially before you picked up a drink?
Do you have a sponsor and where are you going into the 12 steps?
Nothing changes if nothing changes!
Alcohol was but a symptom of our problem. We have to get down to causes and conditions and we do this by taking the 12 steps.
1 Like
Speaking from a place of experience you can get back up again if you’re willing. 🫶
1 Like
We do recover one day at a time you are here now that what counts yesterday gone can’t change what we have done can only focus in the here and now
Don’t let a relapse negate what you’ve accomplished for 11 months! Don’t let the relapse define you! Take it 1 day at a time and get back on track. You have already proved to yourself you can do it for 11 months! You are strong enough!
You’re a human being, not a robot. Things happen and the fact that you are upset about it means you care and that’s a good thing. You made it 11 months and that’s awesome!!!!
I want to say one more thing in addition to my long long comment above. Don't screw around with recovery. If you have a problem with alcohol, AA is a program that really does work if you do what is suggested. You made it back and that's a good thing. I've been around this thing for a long time and I can tell you that I've known many people who relapsed but never made it back.
When we stop drinking, our bodies react as if we've never stopped and so if somebody is unfortunate enough to relapse they start drinking like they never stopped but they're tolerance is very low and so they get into trouble with alcohol poisoning.
Some people never wake up.
2 Likes