Sharing my pain

Mental Health
#1

My heart hurts today... and i just need to get it out.

I have 7 1/2 years c&s.
Im traveling for work and im in another state. So im away from home and from all my NA peeps.

I guess i should feel blessed, but right now i just feel heartbroken.
Im experiencing my first "person' dying since ive gotten clean.

I dont let too many people "in", you know what i mean.
And i form attachments really strongly and deeply.

Judge me, dont judge me... its whatever i guess.

After i got out prison and continued my want and need for recovery i got into therapy because i was tired of the cycle i had lived my entire life.
Mostly clean, full blown relapse, destroy everything...

And this time i just didnt want to do it anymore. I dodnt want to let myself amd eveytbody else down. And, I wanted to be the best me possible.

So I was gunna do everything different because i wanted a different outcome.

And i did.. and its happened.

I have a program, i have the longest time clean i ve had sonce was 12.
I know this pain wont last. And i know that grief is just love in another form.

But i also know that its okay to not be okay.

I just had to write a fairwell to my friend on their Facebook page.

And today my heart hurts

Today im hurting outloud, so anybody else hurting in silence knows they do t have to.

#stongertogether
#youarenotalone

#2

So sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, it won't be the last. With life comes death...
Similarly, with recovery. We get to have a new chance at life and everything that comes with it, including our feelings and emotions. We get to experience all of them. Happiness, joy, peace, fulfillment, contentment, sorrow, grief, sadness, hope, inspiration, longing, confusion, pleasure, purpose, and :heart: love.
Grief and loss are very challenging for me. However, I wouldn't feel them if I didn't have the precious people in my life to lose in the first place. I hold onto the memories of them. At times, reminiscing is painful because I miss them. At other times, I feel joy, love, and gratitude that I had them in my life. Your loss is new, and your grief is fresh... it will get easier. May you be surrounded by love and be comforted by those who love you dearly. Allow them to. Remember,
Some day, the pain and sorrow
you're going through now, will be somone elses because you are precious and loved by them.

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