A big realization this time was that how I feel doesn't have anything to do with the quality of my recovery... By that I mean that as I get closer to one year, as my brain heals my emotions have far more intense. I still have all the same emotional issues and mental health struggles I always have had. I sometimes find myself slipping into fear when a resentment crops up with housemates who don't clean or take care of the house like I do, or when somebody that's not working a program says something disrespectful. I feel like since I know that resentment is a killer for me, and I know that they are projecting AND also in the wrong but that it has nothing to do with me I should be able to magically feel good about the situation but no. It takes time and work and prayer and serious discomfort for me as I'm still learning to cope in sober ways.. the battle is not acting in negative, unhealthy, or old ways to self soothe. For me a big one is I found myself suddenly checking and compulsively rechecking the dating apps and being distracted by people I am attracted to at the gym. The truth is I'm powerless to change these things on my own I always have been. It seems I set an unrealistic idea of what sobriety would feel like when I got close to a year... all sobriety has done for me is freed me from addiction and given me a chance to live a better life, the steps and the fellowship and working out and self care all are amazing and make my life so much better but I still have all the problems I did before but for a few and it's going to take far more time and work than I expected but it's just already so much better... I am willing to do this, no matter how hard the feelings get to feel, because I have no other choice today. Dope is not enough for me today
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You got this Timothy 
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Thanks!!!
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