Is it possible to be pre-struggling? I don’t necessarily feel at risk of a relapse, but I’m honing in on 5 months sober, and my booze-voice keeps saying “You did it!! You proved you’re not a drunk, now we can have an occasional drink again!” 
I’m frantically diving back into non-stop quit lit (which has worked for me so far) and reconnecting with sober groups and rereading old posts etc.
Can’t wait until they invent some kind of lobotomy so I can erase the ‘addict section’ of my brain 
You’re ok! Today you have the gift of awareness. Today you can pause instead of running to numb the uncomfortableness. You got tools today. You’re reaching out and not keeping the demons in your head. You are doing great! You got this! This will pass 
Lol. Sorwee you stuck with that brain. Only one you got. And yes, it’s called thinking you can be “well”. That’s how relapses begin. The rewiring brain tries to fool you into thinking you can be an earth person. Keep doing what you are doing. You got this. Sharing just now and with others what is going on means you giving yourself a frontal lobotomy without the operation. You know the miracle you are missy.
Congrats on closing in on 5 months - that is amazing and inspiring, Kate! 
I think this is what they call the beginning of a “mental relapse” but it is not too late! You’re doing exactly what you should do - posting on here, reaching out for help, reading literature about quitting. Our brains are fickle addicts and we gotta tell them to knock it the heck off sometimes lol
What about planning a fun reward for your 5 month milestone? Treating yourself to something. Going somewhere fun for the day. Maybe a little memento of how far you have come. That could give you something to look forward to.
It will suppress but it will get worse before better, just know that you can't drink like a tempered person because we are chronic drinkers, once you take one, it's too many and the rest is not enough. The disease of addiction will never stop trying to convince you that you can drink like normal people.... please ignore the voice in your head and it will subside but never die
The mental relapse is real! It's normal and the best way to overcome it is to share it and get plugged in more. There is science that shows when you voice a thought it moves it to another part of your brain from the basal ganglia to the frontal lobe so you can actually do something with it. The basal is called the reptilian part that is all instinct etc and the frontal is decision making. Voice it and don't think it is t normal. 
I get what you’re saying. I’m 7 months in and the anxiety is really building. I’m not thinking I can drink, just that “I’ve got this” and I won’t be prepared when it hits. Anxiety over something that hasn’t happened is very very real. What’s some of your coping strategies?
Kate!! 5 months is great news. If you ever want to try something more than quit-lit lmk. Or get with @jenn122709
I’ve been listening to some speakers on my commute again and it’s so refreshing.
Thanks man! I’m working hard at it 
Love the idea of planning a 5 month reward- thank you for the reminder!! I was doing that, but didn’t even think of it for 5 months because it didn’t feel “significant enough” (whatever that means!) 
Ooo thank you for that tidbit! I love weird science stuff like that, I find it really helpful 
Much appreciated!!
Yes! I almost feel like I can’t let my guard down around my own self, which is bizarre. I’ve been journaling a lot more the past few days and diving back into quit lit/sobriety podcasts and interacting more with my spiritual side (meditating, noticing thoughts, mindfulness, etc). It seems to be helping 
Oooo yes ima hit you up!
Thanks! I do feel a lot better having voiced it and all the support and tips from everyone. Phew!
For me, these thoughts pop up once in awhile. 28 months today. Do you’re not alone. I play that tape all the way through.
When I stay plugged into AA, going to meetings, being of Service- like sponsoring, coffee person, etc. and listening to speaker tapes even if it’s one’s I’ve already heard. Reading the big book again….
I’m now currently reading the 12 and 12 with my Sponsor and his sponsor. I’m living and breathing AA. I feel really good about it. I’m tired… but I’m sober and joyous and free…
Appreciate the encouragement Kevin 
definitely trying to connect even more
Welcome Kate! Keep up the good work my friend!