So Father’s Day is kind of a rough day for me. I decided to work all day to get through. After having almost 6 years clean my son had passed away at four months old. After he passed I went on a run from 2015 till October of last year. After holding my son the last 15 mins of his life I quickly turned to getting high to numb myself from everything. Although I had good points in my life throughout that run. There were a lot of lows which outnumbered everything else. I maintained great jobs and was in a relationship with my best friend. But when the pandemic hit things went down hill. I was a complete shell of a human being with no emotion to anything anymore. I was isolated and alone away from my girlfriend of 5 years. It destroyed our relationship and destroyed me even more. January 2022 we agreed to take a break and each help ourselves. Well that was a horrible idea because it turned very toxic. The more things that were done to me and what was said about me the more I got high and drank till I passed out in my car in front of my house. I felt abandoned even more after feeling abandoned by my son who passed away then his mother which we didn’t click after he passed. But now I lost my best friend and everyone seemed like they were against me because of all the false stuff she and others were saying about me. I am not a bad person I just had a problem with drugs. But I was being looked at like this murderer. Well may of last year my brain could barely take it anymore so I decided to drink a gallon of cognac and do drugs till I didn’t wake up anymore. But halfway through after watching the movie 4 good days I had an awakening. I decided to drive myself to the detox rehab and help myself. I didn’t tell anybody what I was doing I wanted to help myself and make myself proud and happy again. After completing a few days in detox I decided to call my ex because of the relationship we had and I knew she was probably worried. She immediately picked up and was crying. She told me she thought I was dead and they couldn’t find me or my car anywhere. I told her I was ok and that I was going to call my mother next. She told me to call her if I needed anything and she was glad I was helping myself. After 30 days I completed and went home but something told me that I should have found a longer treatment plan. After being home for about a month I got my two jobs back. But then things got out of hand again with my ex. She was taking Xanax and drinking on top of that. She started doing spiteful things towards me. I turned back to getting high and I kept running into her since I lived in a small town. I couldn’t take it anymore and felt I let myself down. So in September of last year I decided I needed to do something different. I blocked my ex on everything which was very hard for me to do. I without any shame went back to the detox/rehab I was just at in may. I met a few people there who wanted me to strive for a better life. So I decided I was going to remove myself from where I lived and go to another rehab for a month then long term treatment center and never move back to where I lived. I went to a 30 day rehab 45 mins away from home in the middle of the woods. And because of Covid it was on lockdown protocol so there weren’t any real groups. They did give me a tablet where I used music as therapy and did zoom meetings. But most of all I was finally able to sit with myself with a clear mind. I was able to finally read books again. I was able to finally write again. Everything I was passionate about came back to me. Then I found a long term treatment facility in queens ny. Where I decided to go to because it was far enough away from where I lived . And where I lived is my number 1 trigger. While there after only a month we were on lockdown as well as the other place due to Covid. But they allowed us to have our phones and tablets. So while I was there I turned my dreams into reality. I started making music again. I started writing books, and I launched my own sneaker line. Still with in mind I did not want to go back home. So I started working again, and decided to go to a reentry/community residence. After being in long term for 6 months I am now in the reentry/ community residence. I’ve been here for a month now and I am enjoying the life I was given here in nyc. Moral of my story is to NEVER GIVE UP. No matter what you think it’s never too late. DO NOT GIVE UP. The next time you are not promised you will make it back here. I know about 20 people who died from fentanyl since I’ve been gone. 20 people in 8 months age 34 and younger. Let that sink in. Please do not give up. Life gets better even when you don’t think it is. Be proud of yourself again the way I am proud of myself
Thank you for the openness to share this.
Hey Dwayne! Thank you for sharing your story with us. You are so right. We are not bad people! We can do some horrifically bad things when we are deep into our addiction, but we are not bad people. Sorry for the loss of your son. Love you brother.
Love to you as you feel the broad range of emotions from losing your son. Wow, having a dad who loves beyond life and death is so beautiful, raw and authentic. There's still love out there as you are showing. So inspiring! I can identify so much with your recovery story. You are a true survivor, keeping it real. Reach out anytime, brother. Keep the faith
Way to go I’m proud of you for choosing you and fighting to get you back it’s good to know it’s possible I pray that you keep strong and keep chasing your dreams
So proud of you Dwayne! Thank you for being so open and honest. Your story will help others.
❤️🩹 Dwayne. The program you live is inspiring. My condolences for your loss. Thank you for your message.
You are amazing. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can relate to the small town x stuff and loss of hope… you made the best choice to leave. It’s amazing how we find ourselves again and our beautiful ambitions lead to success which in turns inspires. Allow yourself to feel proud.